Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

Mr B & all--

The Getting Through book mentions the exact thing you said about shutting down after awhile. I did w/Ex as well but for a bit different reasons. When couples no longer argue-they'll shut down for a couple years-then one of them ups & quits! Shocking the heck out of the one who thought the silence was-well-golden. Fighting and going around in circles isn't productive, but silence isn't anything. In the presence of silence, we make all kinds of inferences. The worst is "Finally, things are OK now, he/she shut up so must have accepted (whatever)Whew! Glad that's over!"

After the long silence, if one boils over into a new round of complaining, attacking, fighting, begging-at least something's moving again. Even if it's an ultimatum, it gets the other partner out of their clueless state & requires at least a reaction if not participation.

On another subject:
I may be the worst mother hen, control freak you've seen, but my concerns have not been without cause. I've always believed that in a marriage, both partners should make an effort to be healthy because one's risks affect the other's quality of life as well. If you go down, you take me with you. So now comes the CT showing spots in both lungs too small to biopsy. Also cysts in the liver. H will have a PET scan Tuesday. We'll get the results of that the following week. For our anniversary? For Christmas? For my birthday? (Yep, they're all in the same week-poor planning-shoulda held out for a June wedding LOL).

I'm still hoping..trying to be optimistic. It is difficult. My daughter had breast cancer. Went with her to all the Dr. appts., wig shops, chemos. Sat through the surgeries. Her H was great through it all. They didn't make it to their 3rd anniversary. I don't think I have the strength to do it again. I can't lose anyone else. I am so very very angry that he continued to smoke after his bro's death, and after his heart attack. He smoked less, but never completely stopped. And lied about it always.

Here we are, ML once a week at last. Hoping the trend will continue and improve. Hoping that in time, he'll talk more about his feelings, finish reading the books & we'll have a happier future.

Nothing left to say.
J