we just hit 11 months

[ms ladybug]

Hey Marcum. I recently hit my 12 months as well. Not at all where I thought I would be either. But, I want to reiterate...YOU HAVE NOT FAILED! Your marriage may have failed, but it wasn't because you didn't want it to work out. It was because your wife refused to work with on the issues that SHE has. THESE are HER issues, and she doesn't seem brave enough to look in the mirror to face things. It's easier to walk away and blame someone else. NOT YOUR FAULT.

Now, why do you need to see her credit card statement? Are you paying for her credit card as well? The card she is using to "survive"? Does she have a job? It seems like she likes the financial benefit of being married, without any of the responsibility (heck, who wouldn't!). But, she needs to come down into reality. If she wants out, she needs to know that means she is ON HER OWN. Perhaps the gentleman she is living with could help her out some? You don't have kids, and (at least in CA) alimony is MINIMAL. (My alimony after 8yrs of marriage would be about $150/mo). Perhaps that's another reason why she hasn't filed for divorce. You're paying her more money now than what the courts would order for you to pay.
On the other hand, I like to think she hasn't filed because she still sees a glimmer of hope.
You are wise in detatching. It's painful, but wise!