HELP! I have never been more lost!

[Trixi]

First, WAS is Walkway Spouse. As opposed to the LBS or Left Behind Spouse.
Here is a link for abbreviations: Abbreviations

"She only wants to do that in a hotel room and it aint with me."

Yuck. Don't do that. You are pushing her away and "proving" her right to disconnect. Icky. She is not going to think that is funny at all. It comes off as manipulative.

even though she told me that I need to do what I felt I needed to do.

She is disconnected from you. She doesn't want to be the bad guy or responsible for how you are feeling. You have to get a grip and STOP making her responsible for your feelings. She doesn't want that responsibility and overtures to try to suck her into the job will probably make her run.

I would be screwing the whole thing up by going out with other girls.

Who said anything about going out with other girls?? Go jogging, go to the gym, have a guys poker night, attend a class to learn a language or something else you have always wanted to do, take a cooking class, go to individual counseling, go out to dinner with a group of friends, invite guys over for action movie night, take up an instrument, learn to sing, go to church, learn to paint, finish up home improvement projects that have been left half done, restore a car, attend a wine tasting, go skiing, hiking, camping, golfing, boating, decorate cookies with the kids, decorate a gingerbread house with the kids.....see what I mean? None of these have anything to do with other women. They have to do with YOU getting a life that makes YOU happy.

Turn your focus away from her. Did you say you have the DB and DR books? Re-read them. Come up with some goals for yourself and what would look like babysteps in your relationship.

And finally, breathe. Breathe in....Breathe out. Get in the moment. Having trouble getting in the moment- focus on something near you. Pick up a pen and really look at it. Look at the lettering, the ink on the ball point. feel the weight of it. How it balances in your hand. Focusing on something in great detail will help you get in the moment and stop obsessing.