HELP! I have never been more lost!

[Trippingbilly]

So, real quick let me get this acronym straight so I can communicate with you. "WAS" "Wife after seperation?"

Yeah I know, you are exactly right, on what I need to do, GOD it is just so hard! It's like fighting another person inside my head. I struggle so bad, and I know when I ask a stupid question...it's like a voice down deep saying "Dude, this is just one more step you are pushing her away." But then it seems I always lose, and question her anyway. Just this afternoon, I made a comment to her in a text (tried to do it in a joking way) about her not liking sex with me, and then I said "She only wants to do that in a hotel room and it aint with me." Well the text stopped there, I hadn't heard a response from her since. So I sit here and battling if I should text her back and ask her why she hadn't responded, then I feel like I am pushy.

I gotta get a hold of things and get out of this punk ass state I am in now. But then the feeling comes on, that if I go out and start having fun or out with friends that are girls, then if she REALLY isn't seeing anyone, then that may spark her off to do so, then I feel like I caused her to do it, like I screwed it up, even though she told me that I need to do what I felt I needed to do. Also I feel like that I am playing Russian Rullette with my family and I would be screwing the whole thing up by going out with other girls. I have always been faithful to her, god it wouldn't even feel right. But anyway Trixie, thanks for responding, it's good to here what other people think.