I know you are right about this cycle thing, and my problem has been that he has been on the up for the past 6 months and i cannot budge him.
I agree to stop that, i have to accept it is lost ( and it is )and behave in a way a separated mother and business partner would. I felt for the first time yesterday how that would feel. It felt like a little bit of anger mixed with a little bit of i dont care.
H takes no responsibility for any action he has done in the past 3-4 years. It is my fault even that he smokes ! That used to concern me. I know it should not and it adds to my guilt regarding my A. But I know I have forgiven myself for that.
So emotional V mental.
My cheesless tunnel - is ringing and text him . I can stop that. i have slowed a lot over the past 6 weeks . Actually no contact for first 3 of those ( when he told me of OW ) but I sloowly have made excuses to call. Even being nice and not strong is a cheesless tunnel. I have always been the strong one. something he admired to a point.
My Plan- I will contact only when necessary. We have businesses and children. I am capable of dealing with most stuff. Kids are old enough to communicate direct with H. He can reap his own damage there. i wont fix anything for him or smooth his path. I will get through xmas and holiday absolutely fine. i wil be at holiday home with all of the kids together for the first time in several years. We may not be able to drive the boat but that is the only thing different for us.
Is that what you mean by plan ?
What is working - Nothing I am doing at all, except doing more and more things for me and laughing with customers, avoiding triggers , reading this site makes me feel better.
What i have not done is 180s. i am not sure if i have the balls yet to do any.
