I don't know if there really is a "one". It's very clear it takes "two" working like hell to make a "one" that would never be unbroken...and maybe only a very small percentage are actually supposed to make that "one" and the rest of us are just supposed to get together, bang like rabbits and populate this place??
Ok, that did sound pretty chitty! Stop it! You're starting to sound like me now! Do you really want that? Trust me, being inside my head is not pretty so GET OUT NOW while you have a chance man!
You don't want to fix anything with Kim. Understood. So, give it up and let it go. You have put so many good things going on in your life now without her drama to F it up.
Just love Caleigh, live your life, be happy, and let Kim spin in the crap she created for herself.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
and Steve..I don't know if I did a good job or not. I do know I did a good thing. I brightened another persons day. I gave a great young lady a date she will never forget..I probably not only set the bar high for myself but I set it very high for the next guy..LOL..if there is a next guy
Mike, you DID do a good job! I think that YOU are the VERY HIGH BAR! Be proud of that.
As for the other stuff in regards to why your last M failed, it was out of your hands. Many people are in that sitch. Sure, there are tweaks that could have been made here and there but for the most part there was nothing that the LBS could have done except tighten their seat belt for the ride.
You're a good dude, be proud of that and know that you'll find someone who will appreciate that next time around.
or she just used me to get Caleigh and her dream home..
now that sounded chitty didn't it...
anybody got a 2x4, shotgun, civil war sword to kill this "dead horse" that gets beat over and over and over???
The horse is glue, the war is over (*gasp*), the 2x4 has been shattered to toothpicks.. This is just Mikey's brain getting stuck, his heart getting smooshed.
It stops when you let it stop. Your choice.
It is unjust, It is unfair, It broke.
The way one person was willing to fix it didn't work for the other.
Then it was over, by another person's choice.
And you're left with... "Say Whattttt??"
It's very hard to kill the image held within the heart, regardless of the 'reality' of the situation.
You see Mike, that is why every woman here is so impressed by your gesture. You don't actually see this as a big deal. WE DO! I can honestly say that no man has EVER in my entire life done something that sweet and kind just because he knew it would make me feel good. You are a rare man indeed Mike. Actually, thinking about it, I don't know even 1 man that would do any of what you have done. You actually do get it don't you? The little gestures make us feel important to you men. That's all we ask. Not the big over the top, diamond encrusted (all though that's nice too), extravigant stuff.
which brings me back to this post..so the women here who have been exposed to DB..and who have changed can now see this?? Or know this?? Or do all women know this and I'm just in with the F**ktards?? who do not know?? I've just been unlucky?? See that's what gets me..not just Kim..I've done all this to some extent with every woman I've ever dated...more so with some than others..so I'm just dating F**cktards who do not get it?? or they really want more than the little gestures??
that's what spins in my head..LOL...ahh the madness of it all..
it seems to me ya better be a lucky bastid..that's all I figure..luck must play a big part.. makes no damn sense to me at all..
Yes, you're finding some of the F**cktards. The small gestures lead to the warm fuzzies. Let me give you an example.
A man brings his W flowers. His wife smiles, thanks him, hugs and kisses abound, she puts them in a vase in a prominent place. Nothing more is said about it. In the meantime, in her head she is thinking "wow, what a kind, considerate thing to do for me. I wonder what I can do for him that will show how much I love him." She is planning, constantly, for just the right thing, the right touch, the simple gesture. When she returns it, be prepared....watch for it. You might miss it, as most DAM's do. WATCH FOR IT! When it happens, acknowledge it! It might just be the warm snuggle on the couch while watching a favorite TV program when she could have been doing laundry or talking on the phone to friends. It might be more overt - can we say "extremely creative in the bedroom" when it's not usually in her nature. Appreciate it, tell her how it makes you feel. It doesn't require reciprocation, just appreciation.
Women need to hear the words, hear your thoughts, hear your feelings. You know how men always claim that women think men should know how we feel about something because, "You should just know."? Well, we will admit to you that we are not mind readers and if you feel a certain way about something - please tell us! TALK TO US!! We won't bite - unless you want us to.
Another example that I'll bet some here will concur with:
We have 1 man in our office. Yes, just one! We call him our token male. He is one of those hunting, fishing, man's man types. He's very sweet and funny about a lot of things but through and through a DAM in so many ways. He works in an office full of women. You would think he would learn from being surrounded by all of our talking. Nope!
About a week ago he made a comment about his wife saying that they have been M'd 10 years and you would think by now that she would have figured out that if she makes dinner and puts it on the table he will eat it. He doesn't care what it is. She knows there are a few things he won't eat and she doesn't make those things. He doesn't care what it is and yet she continues to ask him what he wants for dinner. I kid you not, 3 of us jumped in with "please just tell her what you want!!!!!!" You see, it's not a matter of what he likes and doesn't like. It's a matter of, "will you please make this decision and inject your opinion about our household?" We get tired of making all of these mundane decisions. Also, we told him that he needs to make sure to tell her if he really likes some dish she makes or if he doesn't like it at all then he needs to say kindly that maybe they shouldn't try that one again.
He seemed to take that information to heart. We'll see........
See what I mean Mike? It's the small things like giving us the information we ask for instead of just telling us "I don't care" or "whatever you decide is fine". It's respect, it's showing an interest, it's living life and making all the choices big and small together.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You see Mike, that is why every woman here is so impressed by your gesture. You don't actually see this as a big deal. WE DO! I can honestly say that no man has EVER in my entire life done something that sweet and kind just because he knew it would make me feel good. You are a rare man indeed Mike. Actually, thinking about it, I don't know even 1 man that would do any of what you have done. You actually do get it don't you? The little gestures make us feel important to you men. That's all we ask. Not the big over the top, diamond encrusted (all though that's nice too), extravigant stuff.
which brings me back to this post..so the women here who have been exposed to DB..and who have changed can now see this?? Or know this?? Or do all women know this and I'm just in with the F**ktards?? who do not know?? I've just been unlucky?? See that's what gets me..not just Kim..I've done all this to some extent with every woman I've ever dated...more so with some than others..so I'm just dating F**cktards who do not get it?? or they really want more than the little gestures??
that's what spins in my head..LOL...ahh the madness of it all..
it seems to me ya better be a lucky bastid..that's all I figure..luck must play a big part.. makes no damn sense to me at all..
May I chime in here???
Seems to me that maybe you are viewing this from a very skewed place. You have been hurt (twice), and the reality is you probably have a very slighted view of marriage and what it takes to make it work.
Mike, the rality is that we are all learning how to be better partners for future relationships. You are not a fuckktard, you are simply a guy who is learning.
Through every failed marriage we learn how to become better partners. We learn how we should have acted, what we should have done, and who we should have been. At the same time we are learning how we will act, what we will do, and what we will be in the future.
On this board there are both men and women so neither sex has a leg up on the other. The only difference is our varying takes on things. Women tend to look at things from a perspective of their own failure and men tend to start off by analyzing the failures of our spouse prior to moving into the self recognition stage. Kind of gives women a leg up but they have always been smarter than us.
This:
Quote:
or she just used me to get Caleigh and her dream home..
now that sounded chitty didn't it...
anybody got a 2x4, shotgun, civil war sword to kill this "dead horse" that gets beat over and over and over???
Is such dribble that I wasn't even sure if I would address it, but since you asked for it I will go ahead.
You sound like a little kid in a daycare who just had another child take the dollie he was playing with. What the F gives you the idea that her motives where impure to start your marriage? She changed, yes, so did you. Reality is though the thoughts of why she did this will accomplish nothing for you and having them lead you down this pity pot BS road will certainly accomplish nothing.
As far as what actions and gestures work, I have taken this stance. I do what I want to do. Not for them, but simply because that's the guy I want to be. Your gesture was great, but guess what Mike, it was not neccesary. You could have simply texted her that you had a nice time and such and YOU would have been just as satisfied.
I believe the thing that stands out to me in all of this is that we men have a tendency to focus to much on what we think they want instead of focusing simply on what the right things to do for ourselves is. If I have a good time with a woman, I tell her so, if I walk by a florist and feel like sending her flowers, I do so, and if I feel like doing nothing, I do so.
My point in the very end is this, maybe, just maybe (insert voice of Jean Gerard from Talladega nights) all you need to focus on is a little more self confidence and the knowledge that you are a good man. Trust your decisions a little more Mike and you will not find yourself worrying about the reactions and results of them so much.
ahhh success..I'm a f**ktard magnet..I draw batchitt crazy in..romance em...they set the trap and me being the mild mannered nice guy I am get sucked in..
that's all I need a logical, common sense explaination I can deal with..
My next mission..no longer be a F**ktard magnet..more work to do..
My point in the very end is this, maybe, just maybe (insert voice of Jean Gerard from Talladega nights) all you need to focus on is a little more self confidence and the knowledge that you are a good man. Trust your decisions a little more Mike and you will not find yourself worrying about the reactions and results of them so much.
Or in leymans terms, quit being a pussy.......
damn I've missed your sorry assss..
and you're right that's my biggest issue..self doubt and not being able to see things in myself as "good" even when I know that I'm a good man..a good person..
and I know I need to stop that chittt..
and Ian..the flowers I did because I wanted to..not because they were necessary...
Ok, but did you read the rest of that???? How to react so as to not bring out the F**cktard in all of us?
yep..read the rest..never did the rest..if anything I probably did too much of the telling her what I disliked or liked..The Mars/Venus stuff I get now..I probably suffered more from not knowing when to keep my mouth shut..
I'm pretty opinionated in case you guys did not notice
