Mof3 - Just read your thread as you asked. All I can say is STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate to start with tough love but here is comes.....
Breakaway and Puppy are right (yes, you read that right). You have to stop this standoff and punishment cycle.
Delve into the psychology of it a little. When your "in love" and not getting what you want in your M/R, the immature thing to do is punish them. That is controlling. You punish them to get them to quit what they are doing. Well, when you punish someone who is vying for control, they will punish you back to regain control. Then you repeat.
I would suggest you act "as if" it's over. This will allow you to gain control back of yourself, stop the punishment cycle, and focus more on yourself. Yes, you will mourn the loss but right now IT IS LOST! No one is going to waive a magic wand and get you two to stop this mess. What is your goal of all this?
I see a lot of back on forth but I don't see ownership. What are you owning? Something that happened 3 yrs ago? Reconcile that and put it away. If he's going back 2 yrs to punish you, don't take that crap. He can't validate today with something that long ago. That's not a R.. sh*t, I have no idea what that is.
I also see a lot of co-dependency. Why is he responsible for your hurt or happiness?
Read 5 love languages and figure out what your language is and the same for him. Just don't guess what his is, go back are look at times he was really happy. What were you doing? If you don't know, don't guess just observe.
What is your plan? What is working? What is a cheeseless tunnel? You updating your journal.
I know this is hard and I feel awful for all your hurt. With that said, get over it. You can do this! Get into the mental aspect of it and not the emotional. Your emotions are hurt and anger.. that aint gonna help.
You might not notice change in a day, week or month. Took me over three months to notice change within myself. The thing is your partner will notice it before you....
