A "pre bomb" story Our main bathroom toilet sprung a leak around Feb/March this year. W and I discuss all possible fixes...decide a total gut job is in order. My specialty is construction....hence the screenname...I gather all info, we make a couple trips to Menards and Home Depot to pick stuff out. I coordinate all contractor buddies..drywall taping and plumbing. It's a but of a clusterf*ck as you could imagine....W and I pull threw it well. W goes to Vegas in mid march with her GFs for a long weekend....me and the kids hold down the fort. I took the weekend off from painting and stuff...if she can get a break...so can I. She actually gave me chit for not working on the bathroom.....
My W works in accounting....OM is a CPA at her firm. Standard joke around our house is I am a "single parent" from Jan-April. I did homework...dinner...soccer coaching....all while W worked 60 hrs a week.....and have done it for the past couple years. This year has been different....I wonder why......
More stuff later...probably won't be in any real timeline though...as I think of stuff I will date it.
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
W and I were "working" on things. She was staying with family and off and on and at home. I was asking alot of questions....and she was giving up the answers. She was recounting some "hook ups" she had with OM....and how she felt about them. The 2 stories she told me made my heart die a little....but she was my wife...and being honest....so I sat and listened. I had never felt so "connected" to my wife....maybe not in our whole marriage. She was deeply ashamed...for my pain..for what she had done to our family. The 2 times she told me about I was home with the girls....something that today I still think about....how a person you love...and trust...could say goodbye to you...while your children slept in their rooms...1 time I think D9 was in our bed...and go "be" with someone else!!
She wrote me a 6 page letter during these weeks of "working on us"...I might copy verbatim here....it talked about trust...love...forgiveness...even mentioned some stuff about OM. It used to hurt when I would read it....now I really feel nothing.
More later...
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
{{Carp}} Amazing looking back on it..but I do have to ask you this: WHAT have you learned about YOU during these 6 months?? I bet you would say a lot
Tawnya
Lil ole me you ask??
I have learned...... Listening...I spent some time in Phoenix this summer with my family. My mom, sister, BIL and niece and nephew live there. After a couple days home my sister called to tell me she missed talking to me!! She admitted that I was a damn good listener...my sister has a degree in psych....she ain't no dummy!
I have a female friend who I go WAY back with....farther then my marriage...I actually considered her more "sister" then anything. We lost touch over the years and as part of my GAL I started reconnecting with old friends. So....1 nite she is telling me her man problems...while the TV is on....I ask her to turn it off so I can listen. So I do my best job "listening"...next day I text her to check up on her...she says it was good to talk about....I didn't say but 10 words.
Taking charge at home... I have actually been accused of being...controlling....a dictator...you name it. There is far more peace in my house since I "manned up". My W has actually started to tell D12 to not act "disrespectful" towards her father!! I made a chore list and enforce it...as well as pay out the allowance. Since I live in a house full of "chicks" ..I get a lot of listening practice here as well.
My return to God... I was active in my youth group as a teen.....slipped away for years..have found my way back....HE was the missing piece in my life.
Patience..... I can weather any storm thrown at me!!! Spew from my W....lip from my kids...it takes alot to sway me to anger. I am not saying I don't get angry....but I do the rite thing with it. I have walked about 5000 miles since June!!!
I wanted to send an email to my W today to "celebrate" our anniversary...but I did not. Here it is
Thx for giving me 6 months to find myself. I wouldn't change a thing....every trial has made me that much stronger. I am a better dad...better person....hell evens better husband!! Adam
I took the family out for dinner. We laughed ...we talked....if you sat next to us you would NEVER guess anything was wrong!!
This afternoon I met with my A to put our final touches on our plan to go to court...I never spoke 1 word about it.
Painful stories in the morning.....L on the afternoon..dinner...2 hrs of House with W in the evening....how's that for detachment??
Do I have any love left for my W.......I really don't know anymore..
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
Enjoy House!