I think you are absolutely right on all counts. Just this morning she had an awful attitude the minute she walked in the door. Nothing has happened, and I'm beginning to realize that nothing needs to happen--she's just constantly angry. I'm not going to try to do what's right by her anymore, I'm only going to do what I know is right by me and God. I've given her way to much of my power, and I must stop. The only hang up I still have is that I do feel guilty for discussing our issues with so many family members and friends. I did because I really needed to gain perspective--I had a real hard time figuring out if she was cheating on me, and the more I would share my story the more people would say they thought she was, the more they say that the further into denial I went and began seeking someone who would say otherwise (which never happened). Anyhow, she's very very angry and hurt by that, and while she started all of this, I still feel bad for having done that. Do I need to even worry about that? I do want her to know that I wish I hadn't have spoken to so many people, but she won't believe me. Why am I so guilt ridden over that???
I also told a few more people than I probably should have, as one should really expose to family and perhaps a best friend or employer, plus OM/OW's spouse.
I would tell you what I told myself -- and my wife -- and that is that I did EVERYTHING that I did in an effort to try to save my marriage, and to fight for my family. Don't beat yourself up over what was -- and is -- a noble fight.
The truth, and the consequences of her actions, are hers to deal with.
She then said that she was going to our MC for the last time, so I told her there was no point in her going if she was going to stop. I said this in a very level manner. She became very angry and started asking for her money back. I refused and said she needed to help with the mortgage;
Okay rescripted:
W: I don't want to go to marriage counseling anymore C: I'm sorry you feel that way
No more discussion. She's trying to get you to engage by pushing your buttons.
2x4 below:
Don't you feel guilty because of her BS rap to lay it on you. It's BS,she knows and you know it. Hell, she's violent. Grab your b*alls back and stuff them in your underwear where they belong.
Stop engaging with her. Be neighborly with her. When she goes down that path it's up to you to jump off.
You need to make it real clear to her that if she hits you again your going to call the police again.People treat you how you allow them to treat you. That is so disrespectful.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Puppy, I exposed to my family (mom, dad, brother, and aunt) and to my best friend, our pastor, and three members of the church. All really was in an effort to save my marriage. I was always seeking advice and perspective. The problem is she continues to deny having had an affair. The other day she said that this guy was a very close friend who became her "refuge" when she was down, but nothing else. That to me is bothersome enough. She wouldn't have wanted my refuge to be a single woman. Nevertheless, I wish I hadn't have spoken to my family, because as my wife points out, they probably won't forget this, so how is she supposed to feel about rebuilding our family when her in-laws view her in this way. I'm just so sick of not knowing for sure what happened between her and him!! My gut says she did sleep with him at least once, but that's still just a feeling and not a proven fact.
I am stopping engaging her. This morning she had a very negative attitude towards me. She yelled at me for not going back to the house to get our daughters stuffed animal, and I explained to her that if we had gone back she would have missed her train (which she becomes irate about). She continued to yell, so I told her that nothing I did would be right by her anyhow, so I'm just going to do what I think is best. That was the end of it for me. I changed the subject and starting talking about the song on the radio. When I dropped her off at the train I said "have a nice day. I mean that."
Crafidi, since she works at pushing your buttons all the time and tries to get you to fight, you should have little or no contact with her -- include driving her to train. let her figure it out. If you were D she would have to make her own arrangements to get to work everyday. Once things calm down a bit then maybe you can engage in more contact with her including Dbing. just an opinion
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I think that is a very reasonable circle of people to whom to expose. You did what you felt you had to do to try to save your marriage, and you also followed what the Bible says to do.
The text messages were pretty compelling, and the fact she refused to end her "friendship" speaks volumes.
I do understand her pain at facing your family. But she's going to have to decide if running away from all that, or working on her marriage and repairing these relationships, is what she wants to do. Just let her know that if and when she is ready to return to the marriage, and end all contact with him, that you will defend her to anyone who has a problem with that!!
he problem is she continues to deny having had an affair. The other day she said that this guy was a very close friend who became her "refuge" when she was down,
Doing that is stepping out of the boundries of Marriage. It may not be physical affair but definitely emotional. Exactly like mine. While she is talking to him she is not talking to you
i would not care about how many people you talked to. You needed advice. My H talked to no-one but constantly threatens to expose OM to his W ( she does not know ) so another family wrecked !!!!!! He listens now to only those who soothe his feathers and stroke his pain.
She is angry because she is deflecting some of her guilt. Play ground stuff. Do not buy into it. She is talking to another guy is an Affair. As a woman the sex part of it , is not what is big for her. It is having that person listen , care , not bother her with the day to day dredgery of home and kids. She is in lala land.
I lied to my H for 3 years before telling the truth. Dont let her do that, as it will wreck your M as it did mine. Go with your gut feeling. It most likely is not wrong.
i also would stop being in a position to have your buttons pushed. Let her get herself to the atation. she has the attitude problem.
I was exactly like your W when I was having an A. Wake up buddy and start protecting yourself. Get tough on her .Give her the wake up call. it was all i needed in the end. The possibility of loosing it all !!!!!!!!
i also would stop being in a position to have your buttons pushed. Let her get herself to the atation. she has the attitude problem.
I was exactly like your W when I was having an A. Wake up buddy and start protecting yourself. Get tough on her .Give her the wake up call. it was all i needed in the end. The possibility of loosing it all !!!!!!!!
It's so interesting to me that we read this (or some version of it) from FWAWs and AWAWs on here all the time, and yet somehow, it's sacrilege to recommend things like this to BSs.
The data is all right there, people -- IT WORKS (or, more accurately, it at least gives you the bestchance for it to work).
