So many things are always going on...and I'm taking in so much info...I just have to process it all sometimes.
Well...H has generally been acting weird and I think it's got a lot to do with the drugs he's on and so on. He's smoothing that out. I am going with him to a doc appt today. They seem to think it troublesome that he's still in this much pain, and truthfully I think that dependence on the painkillers is a possibility. He's finally back on "the right ones" and now he's fine. So. That's kind of a worry.
Anyway. I've been reading Jekyll and Hyde and Controlling People and they both gave me a lot of insight. It has helped me detach enormously. I no longer take his crap personally. I still don't like it, but it is losing its effect on my self-worth. Yay me! I think it's quite possible he has borderline traits. There are some seriously mentally ill people in the extended family...and I think he has traits of it...IC thinks this is also possible.
The CP book really reveals the "family system" and makes it more concrete to me how they operate. It was all stuff I knew intuitively but found it hard to make sense of. It makes sense to me now, in the sense that I get how they view the world. Again...it's not personal. All people get viewed a certain way. They have a pretend reality and any individuality is met with resistance and even hostility because you are threatening the pretend world. Nazis were like that, btw.
Anyway. I feel like Neo in the Matrix, when he senses that he is in a false reality...but no one else can seem to feel it. So the question is, do I take the blue pill or the red pill?? LOL.
Okay, so forget them, back to me. The ADHD thing is going GREAT!! Doc says emotional reactivity is a form of impulsiveness. The med I'm on is definitely removing some of that. They can say their sh!t, and I'm like, well that's bullsh!t...without having an emotional reaction to it. It's niiiiice. The thing is they don't think it's nice. I think part of H's tension lately is that he senses the shift. WARNING Will Robinson!!
BUT he is trying. It's so hard when all this physical stuff he's going thru is added to the equation. It clouds some of the issues. He promised to take the kids to the cabin this weekend so I could have my weekend alone, and he's doing it (tho I told him if he wasn't up to it he didn't have to). But he wants to mark motorcycle trail (I'm sure his dad came up with that) so he's going. As he said, Mr Happy (dad) is going to be there. I immediately wanted to control the sitch and not have him go and be around him but I stopped myself.
I think my new "schedule" is going to be good. Church on Sunday, Al Anon on Tue, counseling on Thursday. I think I can make it thru a week now. ;P
