The tightrope I've been walking on this year has just shrunk in diameter. I feel like I'm losing my balance.
Yesterday, while I was at the bank, I was informed that our account was temporarily overdrawn because when my H had deposited the final paycheck, he had also withdrawn $1,747 which was not covered by the pending check. So H had lied about the amount of the final check and had secretly kept a hefty amount of money to himself.
I asked him about it and could see that he was uncomfortable with my discovery. He gave me some questionable reasons for what he had done. The last thing he said about it was "I guess I was being selfish".
He also informed me that one of his co-workers (a female) had invited him out for a drink later. I was not invited. When I questioned him as to who all would be there, he said he didn't know. He also said that he would be uncomfortable in bringing me along.
On the night of the firing, H had received voicemails from his former staff members. The OW was one of them. He called each and everyone of them back from here, including her.
Yesterday evening, he decided to take a ride on his bike and mentioned that he might stop by to visit some friends. Again, I was not invited.
I'm sweating and trembling most of the time and find it very difficult practicing detachment.
I know that H needs my support and encouragement more than ever right now, but I need his as well.
The day of his firing, he asked me if I was disapointed in him. I told him "of course not". I also told him that I would be there for him and try to help in any way possible.
He's been soft and affectionate, but has not given me an sense of stability between us so far.
How I wish he'd see that this is not just about him, that it affects me as well and that his coninuing secrecy, and practice of excluding me from his inner circle, is wounding me to the core.
