Please 2x4 me if you think I'm wrong here too as I kinda feel like I'm a bit like an OM and maybe me being on the scene is clouding this girls judgement.
So, the above happened and we then had a few texts back and forth. Then suddenly she panicked and said she had been feeling rubbish since the chat earlier as what I was saying was making sense, that it's definately over and she is going to move things forward in the new year. She, he mum and dad and kids have gone away for the weekend, so she said she will speak to them this weekend about her sitch etc. Said she knows I'm right and it's definately over, has taken her 2 years to get this far (ex moving out and excepting it's over). Said she got scared that I wouldn't even speak to her again etc and that she would hate that. I explained I would not blank her, but I wouldn't expect the texts etc as they are to continue as pointless. I Said, please don't do anything for me or anyone else, you gotta do what is write for you and your kids. Divorce is chit and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, so would say if it's possible, try and work it out with ex. However, if that's not the case, it's 100% definately over, you've got to start moving on. Your wasting your life away and all to keep other people happy. Stuff along those lines.
Don't know where this will go, seems a rough start if anything but will see in the new year when (if) we meet up. I've been totally honest, I'm being totally me, have said a few blunt things (and I didn't even remember meeting her the first time 2 months ago as had a vodka blank out night) and she still wants to know. She seems real nice and I guess what will be will be.
Might be going for drink with STBXBFfriend34 Friday....just keeping lots of friends on the go
I kinda feel like I'm a bit like an OM and maybe me being on the scene is clouding this girls judgement.
you know what is right and wrong..your little voice is talking and it appears you hear it.
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Then suddenly she panicked and said she had been feeling rubbish since the chat earlier as what I was saying was making sense, that it's definately over and she is going to move things forward in the new year. She, he mum and dad and kids have gone away for the weekend, so she said she will speak to them this weekend about her sitch etc.
so she's making a decision then..is this based on what she wants/thinks/knows or is it based on this
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Said she knows I'm right and it's definately over
if you told her she was done then that is wrong. You can't interject yourself in the middle. This must be her decision for her reasons..
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Said she got scared that I wouldn't even speak to her again etc and that she would hate that.
this bothers me a bit..panic makes people make last minute, frantic decisions without thinking things through..
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I Said, please don't do anything for me or anyone else, you gotta do what is write for you and your kids. Divorce is chit and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, so would say if it's possible, try and work it out with ex. However, if that's not the case, it's 100% definately over, you've got to start moving on. Your wasting your life away and all to keep other people happy.
I like that you told her to try and work things out..now I say step back..way back..
Mike, I'm trying buddy, I really am. I will tell her the last stuff again when I see her as will likely bump into her on 20th when out.
Thing is, she won't stop texting, I've been blunt, I've said I think she is a nice girl, but needs to sort her chit out first for her. Do what's right for her and nobody else. I can't really do anymore to put her off or to try to save her M than I have, but she won't stop texting. She's been on this morning again whilst with her 2 kids, her mum and dad and on way to France.....WTF...
She has said she has wanted out for 2 years and I hear the WAW in what she says. Thing is, it's probably the ex I need to speak to to get him on here...lol
Mike, I'm trying buddy, I really am. I will tell her the last stuff again when I see her as will likely bump into her on 20th when out.
Thing is, she won't stop texting, I've been blunt, I've said I think she is a nice girl, but needs to sort her chit out first for her. Do what's right for her and nobody else. I can't really do anymore to put her off or to try to save her M than I have, but she won't stop texting. She's been on this morning again whilst with her 2 kids, her mum and dad and on way to France.....WTF...
She has said she has wanted out for 2 years and I hear the WAW in what she says. Thing is, it's probably the ex I need to speak to to get him on here...lol
well..I'm assuming you can block the text if you truly want her to stop?? Tell her you won't respond to any more of the text until her M is over..if you are available then she can contact you...tell her YOU WILL NOT BE OM..because that was done to you..
I don't believe in waiting til the marriage is over necessarily as it can take so long. In which case, a lot of us here should not be dating etc. I do believe if your properly seperated and both parties have accepted that (even if one is still clinging but it's been a long time) that it's fine to move on. I might be rocking the DB boat here !!!
I won't block texts Mike, but I will talk to her properly when I see her and tell her where I stand. Easier face to face than on the phone or text. I do like her, she seems real nice and she seems adamant her marriage is over and has been for a long time, but I will do my MC bit when we speak again, for the sake of her kids if nothing else.
It's a big ocean out there and there are plenty of very different but very lovely fishies !!!
Seems my STBX is really down at the moment, all she does is sleep when she can. The boys are out by about 8pm usually, but I rang yesterday lunchtime and she in bed, I had to pop to the house Saturday as forgot S2 bag of stuff and she in bed. She is always in bed. Sign of depression I'm told and she does suffer, but seems more sleeping than ever at the moment.
Oh, we also got into a chat the other day about stuff again and I mentioned that I was just so sad for the kids as they would be happier living with both unhappy parents trying than seperated parents. W's reply was, well, that's what all the religious stuff says, I've read the reverse. Kids will suffer if their parents are unhappy arguing all the time etc. YES EXACTLY, you have realised your unhappy, you work on why and what changes need doing, not go get a leg over with the first blokes that give you a few compliments !!! When this first kicked off and I knew not of the A, I was being nice etc and my W just could not do it and then said they was arguing and a bad atmosphere....Guilt sweetheart, guilt !!! Doh, so batchitt
Arthur--You seem stuck in a bad spot with this W. Pushing her away seems to be drawing her closer. If you are the understanding ear that she is looking for, then you are going to be more appealing than her H. Be her friend, not the OM. You get it.
Everything I have seen says to take time to heal from the D. One source said take something like three months for every year of M. That makes three years for me and I don't know if that will be too long or not long enough. Although, I wish I had your charms/luck in getting women to notice me.
The song I referred to on my thread is "Come On Funny Feeling" by Rodney Crowell. He is better known as a country songwriter, also he was married to Johnny Cash's daughter Roseanne for a few years. He also was part of a group with Vince Gill that did a song called "It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night (That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long.)" That is a country song title for sure.
Cheers!
LE
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
I am taking any R for what it is and not getting emotionally involved. I mean, I was with another girl last Saturday and I'm just having fun, not sleeping with people etc, but it helps the old confidence.
Not sure about Charms or luck, I'm just being myself, that person that got lost for a few years being what STBX wanted. It's funny though that being nice to someone going through this seems to not help them and their sitch but clouds there thinking and draws them closer. It's not deliberate or any sort of ploy by me, it's just me. When I like people, friends or whatever, I'll offer my thoughts on things as I see it for their good. With MOT35, it seems that makes me a more attractive proposition.
Yeah, starting over is tough, I'm just living the rest of 08 as a fun party time and I have 3 days off next week, then the days between xmas and new year of when I will start to work on things for Jan 09. A To Do list is first and top of that will be getting myself in financial order and to start saving half my wages whilst I'm still at my parents.
I'm very positive for my future and my involvement in my boys lives. I have them again all day Saturday so have already planned for a trip to the garden centres where they love all the xmas stuff they set up. Then to a couple of shops for them to choose something for their mum and also for me to get her a little something. I'm doing this as going to be there xmas morning and know S6 will think it odd and maybe question why I've not got her anything. Not bothered if I get anything in return, it's not for her, more for the boys.
Got a meeting with the Bank Manager this afternoon so hoping that we can change our mortgage with all these rates dropping as we are on a fixed rate. As I will likely have to pay 1/2 of it for the forseeable future, I need to reduce it as much as I can.
Roll on 2009. There is the Chinese years, but we should all have our own next year. The year of the LBS....Head up, shoulders down, confidence and time to really sort myself out. Take this as the kick I needed to become the person and father I know I can be and really want to be. Quit smoking, stop drinking as much and get some motivation.
I don't believe in waiting til the marriage is over necessarily as it can take so long. In which case, a lot of us here should not be dating etc. I do believe if your properly seperated and both parties have accepted that (even if one is still clinging but it's been a long time) that it's fine to move on.
I say do what you want..to each his own..all I say is don't be an OM and if you interject yourself in before she is done then there becomes a chance you will be a shoulder for her to cry on and something could develope. I think if we search back through my threads then we might see where you gave me the same advice for cafegirl34?? I removed myself from that sitch before anything started...and she is still with her "live in" boyfriend..
I don't believe in waiting til the marriage is over necessarily as it can take so long. In which case, a lot of us here should not be dating etc. I do believe if your properly seperated and both parties have accepted that (even if one is still clinging but it's been a long time) that it's fine to move on.
I say do what you want..to each his own..all I say is don't be an OM and if you interject yourself in before she is done then there becomes a chance you will be a shoulder for her to cry on and something could develope. I think if we search back through my threads then we might see where you gave me the same advice for cafegirl34?? I removed myself from that sitch before anything started...and she is still with her "live in" boyfriend..
I do recall that, but each is always slightly unique. From what I recall, CG34 was and as you say still is, living we BF. MOT35 is no longer living with her ex, they are seperated. I do not see it that with her I would be OM as she is done. I will not persue it as such but stay friends and when we meet up (when out, not arranged) speak to her a bit more about it and say exactly that. I do not want me clouding her judgement on her ex and that I will not start 'seeing' her until she has told him that it's over and time to move on to start seeing other people or something. I might meet someone else before then, who knows. Seem to meet so many different ladies when out it's unreal.
However, STBXBFF34 is a bit different and is still living with her H, hence I've not done anything really on that front. That is more STBXBF and her doing. I'm expecting a text or phone call later today to meet up tonight as they have both already asked as they are out for a works xmas do, but I am not sure whether I will go eve. Will see, but I'll be a good boy....IO promise (she has got the sexiest eyes tho, do you know Danni Minogue ? They are green and piercing like that...lol)
