PM Thread #2

[sandi2]

Sandi,

I have been following your post for the last few months. You are one of those wonderful, wise people on this BB who, not only speaks the truth, but genuinely care about all of us WAS on this board. As a silent observer of your wisdom, I have admired your guts and attitude and even your 2x4's.

I am so sorry to hear about your Fibro and only want to just say one thing. I hope it will be useful. During my last session with my DB coach, she helped me extract my first emotions from my secondary emotions. When something terrible happens, she asked me, what was my first reaction/emotion. When you found out you couldn't decorate your home, church, how did you feel? Was it disappointment in yourself? Frustration at your illness? She said to acknowledge that emotion. She said, once you validate your FIRST emotion then there will be no need to go to a secondary emotion (e.g. anger at your spouse for not helping you out {just an example here, I know he has been patient}, or feeling sorry for yourself, or thinking that the holiday is all ruined because the decorations aren't up) and generally getting MORE and MORE upset.

You have plenty to deal with without getting upset with yourself. Spending your time worrying about your boss getting upset at you, will get you even more down and upset. That's TWICE the burden of what you already have to deal with.

Sandi, half your burden now. Try to minimize your frustrations by acknowledging your first emotions. Good luck.

Hi, you posted this to me over on AmyM's thread and then it seemed all heck broke lose there for her, so I thought I would just look you up on your thread. First, may I say that your timing is something b/c I had just left a thread where I bombed out rather poorly. So, what you said was medicine for this old soul and very sweet of you. I don't see myself as wise or certainly not "sweet" (lol), but I do care for the people here on this board. That part I will say is true b/c if I see that it is a person that I need to just stay away from....I just won't post anything and slide right back out the way I came in (lol). But, all in all, there have been maybe three people in all the time I've been here that we just didn't click or they did not like me or understand me (I'm sure it had nothing to do with any 2X4's I may have used) Anyway, I do appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness very much.

I especially appreciate it when people show true concern for my Fibromyalgia and I know it is more than them just trying to be nice (which is okay, too, but you know what I mean). I have not heard anyone explain what the DB coach said to you. I found that interesting and I am going to be much more aware of this from now on. For so long, it seems that all my emotions ran together until it is hard to know which came first, second or third. I told my boss (not the big boss I was worried about, but the other one that is sweet...lol) that as of last month, I gave up my last job/position in my church. It is the first time in over 50 years that I have not had a job or position in the church and I don't know what to think or how to feel. I have always had serveral jobs all the time b/c that was my love and my life. I loved doing what I did. But, one by one, I had to step down, give another one up.....until I finally realized when I was trying to get ready for our special occassion last month that I could no longer do it. It isn't fair to the church and it puts pressure on me....or rather, I put stress on myself about it. The frustration and anger is probably the strongest emotions. Depression is so heavy that it is hard to tell where that falls, but I feel such a sad loss of everything. I missed my grandbaby's birthday last Saturday. I have missed every holiday and birthday that has come around. I told my boss today that I have never believed in putting anything before God and the church, but I have had to do that with my job b/c I have to keep the insurance. I haven't done that in my heart....but I have to put my job first as far as any activity that gets done. So, I appreciate your concern and for telling me about that information. It helps so much to just be able to talk about this to people. I don't know why so many people do not recognize it as a disease when it robs you of everything....eventually. Makes dealing with it that much harder. So, thanks for listening. Maybe I can do something to help you some day.

Take care,
Sandi