Thank you both sooo very much. I had a coaching session today also with my DB coach and coupled with your post. I won't give up. Amy you are so right that as much as I believed in my mind I was trying to fix marriage I had not actually done any DB yet. I would start and quickly slip back into old habbits. R talk is my WORST enemy.
I will not let the hope die yet. What I need to do is find a way to chanel the anger and resentment that I have developed over the past few weeks. I believe alot has stemmned from the sleepless nights with my D and him not having to deal with that. Also just having to drive my kids around all over. I don't mind taking them places. It my job I know. But for instance this upcoming weekend I had plans to go to a party..I am still going but I thought it was going to be MY weekend. I was going to just let loose and have a great time, but my H managed to screw that up in my mind...you see my son has b-ball games sat and sun. And I had asked H to take care of kids this weekend. It is also my S weekend to see his biological father. He lives 1.5 hrs away. My H said he would take care of kids but S would have to miss game on sunday b/c he was taking D to a birthday party. Then he said wll what is his arrangement with his dad..His real dad has to work b/c of holidays so he actually will not be going to his house, but before I found that out, my H was so mad that there wasn't a plan he said you take care of S, I am not dealing with that anymore. So that I did. Now my S will be staying home and I have to find someone to watch him. I was planning on staying in a hotel Sat night after the party but now I have to come home b/c I have to get my S to his game Sunday.
I am so angry that he does this to me, because when it is his weekend to go away no one bothers him. He just goes and has a great time. So unfortuantely the anger comes out in our phone conversations. I have to find a way to chanel that. I wish I had a punching bag in the house bC I have the boxing gloves just not a bag..and I could do wonders on a bag right now!!!!
Of course my H is now saying he will take care of our S and he is sorry, but it never should have gotten to that point. I had already changed my plans and canceled reservations.
So I will re-read and take to heart.
As far as goals here they are: 1. Stop calling my H. 2. Limit communications to emails and texts 3. Get myself back to the gym (3x a week until I can fit daily into schedule) 4. Go to happy hour at least 2x a week with co-workers just to get out and be social. 5. Read a book a week..other than a relationship saving book. 6. Eventually look for a new job!! 7. Most importantly..spend more quality time with my kids.
If anyone has any suggestions with the books to read..I would love to hear them.
