Yep, I've just sat in my car and screamed at the top of my lungs until I was hoarse. I've made deals with myself, like "if I still feel like this after 6 months, I'll kill myself then..." (No I wouldn't if for no other reason than that I couldn't do that to my kids either.). I even got a tattoo on the spur of the moment. I got the Chinese konji symbol for patience. I figured that's were I needed the most help. (But I can't say that it's "helped" that much..... )
Yes, these actions may seem a bit crazy But, somtimes they do help us get through the toughest moments and that is OK, I think.
Now, I may be way out of line here, but I think you should go out with the flower guy! I'm not saying to jump into another relationship, or give up hope on your H, but I've been thinking that we do only have today. And we need to be as happy as we can in each moment. And what could be bad about spending time with someone who knows how special you are! Don't make the same mistake our H's are making by not seeing the beauty you may have in front of you because your heart is too focused somewhere else......?? You deserve happiness!!
Just a thought.... ((((((hugs))))))!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Around here, if a person ends up in jail, they can arrange it where a person serves jail time at night and works their regular job during the day. They just spend the night at the jail for however long the sentence is.
I would not let him off the hook so easily. I know he is suffering internally and so are all of you but he has to learn that you will not always be there to bail him out.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Around here, if a person ends up in jail, they can arrange it where a person serves jail time at night and works their regular job during the day. They just spend the night at the jail for however long the sentence is.
I do hope this depends on the crime-lol otherwise be a great way to get a bed for the night.
Treese, its no laughing matter I know. I hope he appreciates what you do for him, but somehow I think he sees it as his right.
They are not going to take him to the pokey for one parking ticket! What's done is done, but don't enable him. He screwed up, well, more than once, he has to pay the price. Unfortunately, you are going to pay too, directly or indirectly.
I am afraid that someday soon you are going to have to talk to a lawyer to protect you and the kids. The courts are going to make sure he pays the CS. No one is looking out for you. I'm also scared that he could be piling up debt that is going to follow you around. I know you don't want to do it, but his financial troubles could impact you and the kids, fairly or not.
sweetie, IF we were BAD enuff to go to jail we could so get off on temp insanity lol!!
girlie, this sucks, both of us are gonna go down in the boards history for the most f-d up stuff. we are gonna make it. promise. wish we could meet up, since we have to much alike right now. UGH jerks. love you tho
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
BG....I used to say I belonged on the Jerry springer show....everything on there is bizarre...all I feel now is sadness...for everyone involved....
My H is only popping into our lives when he basically wants something...like paying for the ticket....didn't hear from him at all after that....or if he thinks he might have a few minutes for the kids....he missed sons band concert the other night and when he finally texted me yesterday about sons basketball game I asked why he didn't make it and he claims he didnt know about it....he did cause we were talking about it right in front of him....grrrrr...he's losing it....doesnt remember anything that's going on or else he is just in a days and isnt even really mentally present....
H texted me a little while ago to tell me he would take my son overnight....first time he has ever mentioned it first..shocker..and then he texted me about work things that are going on....
It's funny how alot of whats said here on the board, you eventually see in your life....like when they contact you then they are non-existant for a few days....wonder what's going through their heads...
MIL told my mom that H is not happy....no matter what he tells me she knows he's not happy....well....he is a great actor....coming in my house whistling, and upbeat, smiling...some days I'd like to wipe it right off his face...
So, I am going to go out tonight....since he is taking son and I will have him tomorrow night...
Oh, H says he has to work tomorrow...he better be making some money to pay her....I'm not giving it to him...too bad....
(((hugs)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm glad you are starting to wise up....don't bail him out again. Do not offer to assist him w/payments on anything, but what you and your children require.
Yes, they come in and out of our lives and most of the time, it's when they want something. It's all about them and what you an do for them. Memory loss, forgetfulness.....it's all part of the stress and depression they are dealing w.
Your mil is on target...he's not happy, but he's not going to tell you that. He wants you to think he's a man and can handle it all, but when he's alone, it's a whole different story.
I say, go out and have a good time. It's time to starting thinking of you and your children and just leave him out there. He's got a lot of lessons to learn.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Silent.... Well...I got a tatoo also except I got to lilies with 3 leaves..each leaf has one of my kids'name in it....they think its cool and every time I see it I think of who is getting me through all this...my kids....I'm glad I did it...I designed it...
Crazy...I think I win that contest...even my H told me I am...LOL....of course I am, who wouldn't be if they keep getting things thrown at them....I'm hoping 2009 is a much better year...
As far as going out with the flower guy...I do go out with him and have dinner and drinks...he is a friend of mine, has been for a very long time...he just decided to blow my mind one day and tell me he liked me in a different way....even though I couldnt be romantically involved with him, we are still friends...he loves me....and of course lots of friends want to fix me up....OHHH GREEAATT!
Wow, and happiness...working on that one....
(((hugs)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Lilies are my favorite flower. I'm really big into scents and I just love the smell of the lily. I don't understand why God made flowers like the fuschia that have no scent. What's the point?
And I'm glad you are spending time with other people that appreciate you. I think that is a very healthy, uplifting thing, especially if it's a member of the opposite sex. Great for self esteem. There is a guy at work that I alway "kibitz" with that owes be a couple of drinks and a lunch now (don't ask how). He is very ecclectic and liberal, which is very different from my H, who is pretty straight laced. It's fun to joke around with him. H has always been pretty serious minded and doesn't loosen up much unless he is drinking. My friend is a single dad and is very close with his D16, which I admire in him very much. It's nice to be around someone who genuinely seems to enjoy my company! And I told H about him too, so it's not like I'm hiding anything. H said he sounds like a fun guy and maybe I should go have that drink with him [the jerk! ] H has never had a jealous bone in his body! Because he knows I would never cross that line.....
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Silent....lilies are my favorite also.....they just have a beauty like no other flower and the ones in my yard are a peachy-orange color....beautiful...I a big one on scents also....in everything...
Found out another old friend wants to hang out...he has a daughter who is 18 and has been divorced for 8 years now...he didn't date much in the past 8 years because he put his time into his daughter....great guy...we may go to dinner to catch up..I think it will be fun...he knows of my sitch through the "grapevine"...hate that vine....but we'll see....not quite sure of anything yet...doesn't hurt to expand my circle of friends...and my H has NEVER been jealous either....not a bone in his body...well now I understand why...he's had activities on the side...he really didn't care..and he knows he has me wrapped around his finger, he knew I'd never leave him no matter what...sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to know a guy was wanting to go out with me...well...I wonder what H would think....I don't say anything out loud but it does cross my mind at times....
Last night I went out with my brother and his girlfriend...we had fun...got home at 1230 a.m...didn't sleep well, stiff neck..my brother and I have become quite close since all this has happened to me...he is law school right now...already a nurse but wants to defend the medical personnel....I told him he may have to defend me some day...LOL....after I run over them with my car....nah...wouldn't want to dent my car....LOL
Today no big plans...just hang out with my kids...clean...and maybe slip out later for a bit...who knows...take it as it comes...
((hugs))
Last edited by Treese; 12/13/0801:08 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
)
But, somtimes they do help us get through the toughest moments and that is OK, I think. 
