Tower

[Jayce]

Cinco, you are where I was w/ex H all those years ago. Just didn't care enough to bother anymore. Saw him as more of a "brother" than lover. There was quite a bit of bitter disappointment in the mix as well. Thing is he still had a libido, just never seemed to matter more than his obsessional hobby. Told me to be glad he wasn't a golfer. Huh? Hard to see where it would have been any worse.

Counseling: our county has services based on what you can pay (with or without insurance). I think its called Family & Children's Services now. I used to refer people to it when our co. didn't have an employee assistance program. Psychologists I knew all said it was a good program with lots of oversight by psych/medical pros. It is possible your state/county has something similar. They start w/intake interview to see what kind of services you need or would benefit from. They have several locations and convenient hours. If you don't hit it off with one counselor, you can switch to another.

In August, I got a Cheap Trick CD & played I Want You to Want Me 3 or 4 times in a row, high volume. I got "Alright, alright, alright, I get it" I did it again a couple weeks later. These were Saturdays when he came in after yard work. This all started a year ago when he first said he had no libido & he didn't care. He always said he didn't know why not. The second time I played it, he started walking away & I stopped him and said "I want you to want to want me. I need you to think about why you don't. I need you to think about when you did and what changed." That's when I read "The New Male.." I hoped it'd get him to think about it.(He's still less than halfway thru it).

I think probably part of it is health related, but considering he's on the LD side to begin with..... The challenge is to get the LD or ND person to think about how they feel about sex. Whether they ever were sexual/sensual, what their attitude toward it is. I'm guessing they aren't clueless, they just don't want to admit or confront it. Too hard to deal with. It is difficult for me to understand why a person who is orgasmic wouldn't want to have sex, assuming a partner they care for.
I guess women have an advantage, we can tell for sure. No way a guy can fake it.

I get that guys, by nature, don't talk. But we women are such blabbermouths by nature, its strange that your W won't talk about it. Did she know about your affairs? I'd think the threat of losing you to someone else would cause a change. Puzzling.

My last suggestion is to talk w/her ob/gyn yourself. Ask her what the problem could be & how to deal w/it. Going around and around in the same circle only makes you feel worse. Well, not quite the last suggestion. Rent a bunch of comedy movies. Sit around laughing like a couple of fools. Someone did that for me a long time ago. It was great!
J