"I do still want that man. I would like a new relationship with that man, if he gets his head out of his butt."
I think you're on your way to detaching! My bit of advice is that you also need a new relationship with yourself. DB'ing is as much about saving yourself as it is saving your M. Early on in the grieving process, it's only natural that your state of being is H-centric; that almost all of the strong emotions and negativity is tied to your H in some form or manner. It takes a lot of strength and courage to pull yourself out of that hole and to just smile again. I know...I've been there...and I found my way out. There's no shortcut, unfortunately. I fought my way out inch-by-inch, so don't despair! You're much farther along in the process than it appears. Why? Because you're looking down at the hole you're climbing out of. When you start looking up at what you're aiming for, things get a LOT easier.
I don't mean to beat a dead horse (or the puppies you plan to eat with orange marmalade), but I'm really hoping that you start up more social activities to perhaps fill that need for human interaction. What I found really remarkable was that most of the sadness I felt was really rooted in loneliness and the fear thereof. Once that was abated with all the new friends I've made along the way, the very best of what I remember of my W was left remaining, and that is what I'm fighting for!
Turn that frown upside down, Lady Marmalade! Tell yourself you'll be happy, and I guarantee you will!
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
I can live with Lady Marmalade, I do speak French after all.
Cotoffguard - I take your point. I do need and have been working on a new relationship with myself. I just did not think of it that way until you mentioned it. Very astute. Plus, I like me, so it is a relationship I want to build and maintain. Just wish H would come around to see the changes, but that really is his loss.
You are right and you should remind me all the time. The one area in which I really have been lax is in building social life/network. I am really lonely. Got to force myself out there into the world to actually interact with people on a social level. Guess this is where my focus should lie for the immediate future.
Thanks for hanging in there with me, I know I am a slow learner in this regard.
So I was just taking a look at all the meetup groups in Charlotte, and WOW! Who knew there were so many different things to do there, and so wonderfully diverse?! I'll be honest and say that I've never visited the east coast between Manhattan and Orlando, but what a wonderful surprise! My apologies if I've offended any of you with my ignorance of the area
Well...you can't use the excuse that there's "nothing to do" or "hard to meet people" near your neck o' the woods. All you need to do (which ironically is the hardest to do) is to RSVP "yes" and show up. The event will take care of itself, and you'll undoubtedly make a new set of friends!
I think it's time to divert your Kleenex fund into something a bit more enjoyable, no?
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
Yes..Beth has a cornucopia of things to do in Charlotte..where I live is a little further up from her and not AS much to do, but no means out in the "woods" LOL!!
{{{Beth}}}} How fun that your brother is coming out..I KNOW you will look forward to that..where will you take him mon amie? (Je parle Francais) but just a little bit and a long time ago LOL!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Beth Sorry to hear you had a rough morning. You know Cotoffguard is right. Go out and enjoy the company of friends (new and old). Don't even wait 10 days until your brother is here....
Just wish H would come around to see the changes, but that really is his loss. You are right, it is HIS loss that you are living your life to the fullest. Now how are you going to do about it?
You saw my list. How about your list? I know you have horse back riding and Tango......what else? Now it is time to expand your list of GAL....
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Beth, you are getting great advice from Tawnya and cotoffgard. I called some friends this morning and we are going out Saturday nite. We are going to the new steakhouse that my W didn't want to go to with me...her loss.
It really helps to have something to look forward too.
I know I need to work in this area. I guess I am just going to have to force myself to do it.