Hey guys, my W accuses me to this day of "control" and I was having a moment of thinking "if this is the big issue and she thinks I dont get it (really, I think she does not know I understand that is her big problem w/ me based on what I have heard from her best friend), I was going to talk to her about it and let her know that I know that this is the big issue" now that I type it, it sounds stupid to do, but thought I would ask, sorry for the Hijack A....
Depends where you are at in this process. Early on right after the "bomb" it would be something you want to consider bringing up ONCE and ONCE only. Your signature line looks as if your bomb happened longer ago, so your situation would be different.
Here is my take:
NEVER TRY TO CONTROL ONE THING SHE DOES OR SAYS EVER AGAIN.
PERIOD
If she does at some point say that you "are controlling or trying to control her", then quickly default to the standard agreement principle so that it difuses her.
"You are right WS. I do see that I try to control you sometimes. I'm wrong for doing that."
That is it... Agree. Apologize Be sincere. Move on and no pouting.
It works. Time and again. She feels heard. She feels validated. That is your goal. To help her to FEEL validated.
I have yet to see it serve any man much good when he says much of anything to defend himself. It is a waste of time to try to reason with her if she FEELS what she says she feels.
After that...
Back to..
NEVER TRY TO CONTROL ONE THING SHE DOES OR SAYS EVER AGAIN.
PERIOD
Not to worry. They KNOW, when you have stopped trying to control them.
