I went to Tampa yesterday to purchase our airline tickets to go to Costa Rica in February of the week of our sixth wedding anniversary. This, I'm hoping, will help soften the memory of our last anniversary.
H is also looking forward to this vacation.
When H arrived home, I showed him the tickets and asked him to get out the champagne. I was in the middle of fixing H’s favorite salad, “Caesar” (I make a darn good Caesar by the way) and was in a celebratory mood. As we sat down to eat, I began excitedly discussing with him how the tickets and the car rental were taken care of and about how I wanted to contact the babysitter (the one we had used once before to watch our critter kids) so that I could discuss with her the arrangements and cost for the ten days that we'd be gone.
H jumped in at this point and said, “Yea, maybe we can have them over and the kids can swim in the pool”. (???) I was completely derailed by this insertion. I was thinking about the cost of this woman’s services and did not follow his train of thought.
(You see, as a nice alternative to kennels, this sitter, her H and their two children all help to baby-sit other people’s critters in their home and our little guys were comfortable there when we left them with this family a couple of months ago. It also turned out that my H knew her H back in high school - much to everyone’s surprise).
So here I was, trying to figure out whose kids he was talking about and whether HE had gotten confused about what I was saying. Just your garden-variety misunderstanding. I was temporarily stuck in his headlights when he suddenly burst out with “What! What’s the matter, you look like I just stabbed you with a knife”. (Again, ???)
I tried to explain that I was confused about what he had said and how it related to what I was talking about. He chided me for a bit, insinuating that I must be stupid to not understand what he was saying and continued to ignore my explanations. He even made the remark “If you don’t want to have the kids over for a swim, then fine!” Being that I barely know these people and their children AND I was discussing a business transaction, this made no sense to me at all. I told him that it was fine with me if he wanted them over for a swim. I was simply confused over what we were talking about.
To me, it appeared as though he was deflecting any and all explanations offered and was mostly interested in being angry and needing a convenient place (person) to dump on.
I felt my body chemistry change in an instant and the entire meal that I had lovingly prepared was spoiled. I forced down my plate of food and started to clear the table in silence. I felt myself shrinking away inside.
I had told H earlier (pre-blowup) that Jim Hightower was going to be on “Democracy Now” and figured that that would be a nice follow-up activity for us both. Well, we did watch the program after dinner, but in our own separate seats and separate worlds. All I could focus on was my queasy stomach and ringing ears. By this time, I actually did feel like he had stabbed me with a knife.
I could not look at him for the rest of the evening. Normally we kiss and say good night once we go to bed, but this time, neither of us said a word and no kiss. I was incensed by how he had sabotaged a perfectly nice evening and all the effort that I had put into it. It was unnecessary.
I’d asked him in the past to please give me the benefit of the doubt in these situations. It seems that all the positives are just shoved aside in order to make room for his negative assumptions. This reactionary behavior really upsets me.
Now I have to figure out how to get back on track. I feel tired, strained and agitated again. Crap, crap, and crap!
