Detach>Worse>Weird>Better ???

[Andabelle]

I know, it makes no sense whatsoever. My H (or should I say STBX) wants to be my BFF.

CC might be somebody good to talk to, being he's a D war veteran.

[Sophie]

I think you are right Andebelle...CC is cute too. I am confused over my attraction to CC...in a good way, so far.

I think I'm too old for him though. YIKES

CC has a son same age as my s10 and a daughter same age as mine.

I think it is ridiculous to expect to be BFF with someone who has cheated on you, moved out twice, maybe three times to be with OW...walk out on you, been gone 2 1/2 years, filed D papers asking for everything, blah, blah, blah!!!

This isn't DISNEY CHannel!!

[Sophie]

Today is easy.

Nothing to report...nothing other than MY life as a single mom.

All is smooth, orderly...slightly boring. But..no drama.

whatever....

Later

[Maya44]

Hi Sophie,

I just read you thread while taking a break here at work. And I have to say that you sound pretty darn good regardless. I'm very proud of you!

[Sophie]

What is a Settlement Agreement????

Please EXplain

[Sophie]

I think I'm mad at my L!!

I thought my L understood that I don't want a D. That all I wanted to do was 'answer' my H's 'complaint'. I did not counter file, I did not want to.

I thought my L said that many times once an answer is given, the papers just sit...and sit...and ....


So what the HE!!L did my L send a memo to H's L with the following memo?

"Hi so and so, the last time we spoke you indicated you would be drafting a settlement agreement. Please forward the same to me at your earliest convenience'.


I feel my L is provoking H and is L to do something! I did not ask my L to send this memo and now I want to know why he would encourage or provoke this to continue. AND....I don't want him to do anything that I have to pay for without asking me first!!

I called L to clear this up....I'm waiting for him to call back.

UGHHHH

[Sophie]

this divorce crud and Lawyers scare me!

It feels like the Lawyers are in the way.

H and get along pretty well when we are left alone, just us and the kids...

I am so done pretending nothing is wrong.

H pretends nothing is going on.

Inlaws pretend nothing exists...their son, our marriage, the horrific things he has done to me and his kids. I can't keep ignoring real life.

Everyone pretends that NOTHING is going on!!!

How FAKE can everyone be??

[job]

Sophie,
I hate to break it to you, but....get use to the inlaws acting like they have their heads in the sand. They are hoping that if they don't have to acknowledge the situation, it will go away. Blood is thicker than water and do not expect them to extend themselves to you. They do not want to take sides and are stepping far, far away from this.

Settlement agreement in my state is a separation agreement which specifically states what each party is responsible for and how the property will be divided up if a divorce takes place. I don't know what your state does in the way a separation agreement.

You will need to find a way to go on w/your life. If someone asks about your situation, you can honestly state that he's taking a break from his responsibilities. You don't have to go into detail, nor do you need to pretend that everything is okay. You are going to have days when you feel like heck and do not want to be the happy camper. That's okay. Keep your expectations at zero in all areas and that way you will not be disappointed if something should happen in a good way.

[Sophie]

I hate to break it to you, but....get use to the inlaws acting like they have their heads in the sand. They are hoping that if they don't have to acknowledge the situation, it will go away. Blood is thicker than water and do not expect them to extend themselves to you. They do not want to take sides and are stepping far, far away from this.

I feel like I am a robot...or a statue with no feelings, emotions, or life around them. I can't stand it anymore. They not only fail to acknowledge MY life...they don't acknowledge their son's life either.

I understand they are uncomfortable with what their son has decided and do not like it at all...but, it feel like they are looking to me, depending on me to hold out for him to 'find himself'...this has been suggested to me by both MIL and FIL. I'm just tired of being a ROBOT.

Settlement agreement in my state is a separation agreement which specifically states what each party is responsible for and how the property will be divided up if a divorce takes place. I don't know what your state does in the way a separation agreement

.


Huge question here....so this is a seperation agreement versus divorce papers??? VA has two options...divorce or limited divorce. limited divorce is what those in other states call legal seperation.

You don't have to go into detail, nor do you need to pretend that everything is okay. You are going to have days when you feel like heck and do not want to be the happy camper. That's okay.

The only people I do feel able to be anything other than a cold stoned unemotional statue is H and his family.

I have the energy to be 'ok and 'as if' around H. But, his parents are wearing me out.

H's mom planned a xmas present to a play 4 hours from here, for the grandkids (there are 5..my 3 and 2 other cousins)...and any adult that wants to go....but, she planned it on a day her son and daughter probably won't be able to get off work to go.

That leaves me to help babysit and feel nothing...and I don't want to go. I will to keep peace and not appear snotty...and I'll enjoy the play....but, I really don't want to go.

I am always doing stuff with MIL and the kids. H does NOTHING with his family and our kids.

I guess they, and maybe H, are in DENIAL.

snodderly...I really appreciate your thoughts, especially tonight...I'm afraid my L is urging something that I don't really want.

I'm afraid my L is going to make my H mad. H does stupid things when he gets mad.

[Sophie]

I'm calmed down now...L never called me. Now, I don't want to talk to him...cuz, I don't want to pay.

I read on Va divorce proceedings that the next step, typically after an Answer has been given to a 'complaint' is papers for 'seperation and property settlement agreement'.

when H reads through all the items to 'settle' he's gonna have to grow UP!@!

We have a fairly simple life right now. A D is going to COMPLICATE everything!