Thanks for your words. We just hit 12 months. One year. My God it seems such a short time ago I thought that I would be back with my W by now. Now I see I won’t. The dynamic never changed no matter what tunnel I went down. So now I am trying the last tunnel left. Letting go. And you know what the sick part is? She actually seems weirded out by me letting go. I called her about the fact we need to talk about bills ( I have been paying her cell phone since she left with the promise she would pay after she " got on her feet".) She quickly asked what was wrong because I sound different. I sound different folks because I didn’t say “hey pretty lady what’s up” like I usually do. I acted in a business manner. I had called her Monday about this and got her voice mail. I left a message in the same tone. She sent me a text to be carful at work.
I haven’t got as nice text like that since June. It used to be I would be ecstatic because I would think of this as a step in the right direction, but after so many “ one step forward…TEN steps back” routines with my W I don’t get excited anymore. I believe I am falling out of love, and I feel very sad about that. But I haven’t had face to face contact with my W since the middle of October, and before that it was three weeks.
I am going to ask why she hasn’t D’ed me yet. I have told her the entire time I would not stand in her way, but I wanted to work on our M. Unfortunately I have not been allowed. As I said before she told me she doesn’t feel the same and doesn’t know how to get the feeling back, to which I replied “how could you? We don’t see each other, don’t talk, don’t communicate but once as month. I just don’t think I can last another year. My GAL has helped with the pain but now I don’t even see her as a friend. Maybe I’m just rambling but I don’t see a silver lining here, just a dismal year. I failed.
