Thanks for stopping by! I did mean to comment on your thread as well, but never got around. I do think there are some similarities in our sitches. Both our W's have EAs with an OM who is relatively far away. They both still live at home. They both try to pretend in front of the kids and any outsiders (my W has not told anybody except her very best friend). Well, I do not know if she told her family while she was there during the last 2 weeks. She wants integrity resolving the M, which of course means I should not cause her any problems and agree to anything she wants (in exchange for that, she may leave a little more money for me). I do not think she expects something like "you can leave, not on your terms, but on terms I can agree to as well".
I am not sure I am fast learner. I have been married for 17 years without truly realizing what was going on. Sure, we had fights and I knew something was wrong, but I did not learn anything during those 17 years. I think what helped me here was that I quickly (well, it took 4 weeks) realized that I also did not want to continue this M the way it is. As techguy said earlier, the one who wants to hold on the least has the power. I am open and willing to start a new M with her, but I do not want to hold on to this one. Once you realize that, it feels like you have covered a lot of ground on your way to detachment.
The interesting thing is that the impact on me significant. During the 2 weeks my W was gone and I was still struggling, I slept 5-6 hours on average with lots of breaks. The last two days I slept 8 hours straight not waking up once thinking about my M.
AN
PS: I am making a mental note to comment on your thread, too. Thanks again!
M43 W45, M17 S9 D6 Bomb: 11/11/08 EA: 10/26-12/31/08 ? Retrouvaille: 2/13-2/15/09 Healed, but still heading for D My situation
