My thoughts:
1) Yes, go for all you can. In my opinion, you have one good chance at it (the first time) and going back to court after sucks

2) Good job on the detachment

3) Good job on the party. I wouldn't make anything of your wife being able to "act as if"....WAWs are fabulous actresses

4) I agree with your mom...the WAW/cheater is especially sweet when they want something.

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer