oh Mof3, i sympathize so much with your feelings of rage/churned up/emotional anguish when you think of OW! i avhe those feelings too. I've done a lot of reading on jealousy and negative emotions in relationships, and i've found them ehlpful to help me get over them and experience less (and hopefully one day much much less! btu not here yet). For example: http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/relationship_jealousy.html
I've understood that my feelings of rage and despair are directly related to my own low self-esteem and thus my huge fear that H will leave me because he's found someone much better than me. I've also imagined in my head all the terrible things that he might be doing with OW - in a safe place where i can cry and scream and write down my feelings. The fact is that he is totally smitten by OW right now so they're in 7th heaven while i'm in hell. BUT i don't HAVE to be in hell! because i know one thing - i just need to learn how to do it better - i can't choose what happens, but i CAN choose how I REACT to what happens. The reason i'm in hell is because i have DECIDED to be there. I don't need to be there if i don't want to: my children love me, my parents love me, my sister loves me, there are all rooting for me and thinking of me as wel as my friends. In addition i'm one of those female over-achievers who has in fact done incredibly well professionally too, with an exceptional life history and personality to go with it.
There's no real reason for me to have such a low opinion of myself but there you go - my low opinion comes from the 'story' that i've made up based on what happened to me when i was veyr little: my dad left to fight in Vietnam and Korea for 2 years when i was very small (3 or 4 years old) so my 'story' based on that event is that the men i love will leave me (since at that age it was as if he had left forever).
Sorry for the long post again... it does help to talk here. I also have difficulty remaining ok on the phone too at times. bon courage M, like we say over here (I live in France).
Me49-WAW H46 T25 S17D14S10 Sep.jan08,PA,back Apr08,H PA Dec08,end09 New Thread
tonight i went the C who said i was stuck in sadness and that venting in the form of screaming in private , was what i needed to empty some emotions. So on the way home i did just that for 10 min. She was right it was theraputic, I felt some anger at my sitch.
But instead of been happy I that I got some feeling out , i felt i needed to tell H . So i text him along the following.
1. If you had spent as much time on us as you are now doing on yourself, we would not be in this mess.
2. You did not have the balls to fight for your kids and this family.
3. If I had left you in the same pain as you have left me 3 years ago you most likely would of committed suicide. ( he was sucidal of 3 occasions , which is the one reason i stuck with him )
4 That our kids will always know i tried and that he did not.
5. that venting my anger to him was good for me and that I felt much better. ( which i did for an hour )
JMO....You put all of the blame on your M troubles on H.
JMO....He will not receive this well.
JMO....This will anger H and drive him farther away. He may ponder a bit what you said but he will have very negative thoughts about you and the M.
It's tough because you can't take it back once it's said.
If you believe this was damage causing...you are right.
You needed to have more control over your emotions and not confront H in such a harsh manner, again JMO.
JMO, do not do this again with your H, unless of course you want to drive him away for good. You may also keep driving this way and push him into the arms and bed of the OW so fast your head will spin. This is something I know you don't want.
Come up with a better approach and plan and begin now....
This path you are on now will not help but rather hurt your sitch....
M, keep in mind these are just my opinions, it's ultimately up to you how you handle your H and M.
Your friend,
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
That's what he's doing to you. Again, I will say that I see you guys in a cycle of just wanting to punish each other over and over again. That's not love.
Yes, I hate my W all the time for what she has done. I have never stopped loving her. I never purposely set out to be mean to her so that she was punished. She wanted me to a have a revenge affair; but I wouldn't do it. I told her that two wrongs do not make a right. so I am different than your H. He seems to hold a grudge for too long and is not willing to do the real work for the M to survive.
If he's so hell bent on confronting the OM; he sure is not making any moves to do so. he needs to crap or get off the pot, IMO.
