they didn't do the tree, so I ran an errand last night and did the lights. My D17 will decorate the tree after school today. she says her mother is coming over to help put up decorations around the house. Told D17 I didn't want her too. Told D17 her mother should decorate her own place and leave my house alone. I was plenty pissed off, kinda barked that at D17. Wrong thing to do, I know. I put up a few decorations last night and brought up the ornaments. I will bring up the rest at lunchtime today.

Went to my buddy's house last night and sat and talked with him and his girl for a while. checked out some furniture he picked up doing a clean out. Nothing that I could really use. We shot a few games of pool and just talked about whatever. Asked how I was doing and told him better. I am going to Church and I do feel better by going. Told him at the end of the week, no matter what happens, I can go there and sit and pray and just feel better.

He asked the big quesation, do I think she'll be back? told him it doesn't look promising, but I am dealing with me and the things I am responsible for. She has chosen her life and her path, God help her. Told him I have my hope and faith in the situation, but I am finding strength through God and Church. He told me that he thinks she'll be back, and probably after the holidays. Him and his girl see her through a mutual friend, so they have more insight to her emotions and whatever. told him it is a nice thought, hope he is right, but I can't and won't live on false hopes. she is with OM and that's that.

It was a quick 2 minute conversation. Went back to talking about Xmas, work and what not.

Rough night sleeping again last night. Knew it would be. Woke about 3 times during the night. Dreams mostly. Can't remember details so the dreams were insignificant. My friends words kept clammering in my head, the thought of her decorating my house like she used to clammering in my head, and my strength in what I am now doing calming me down. Woke up calm and somewhat rested. Asked more questions to Him last night. "...lead us from temptation...." Lords Prayer. I know what He means. I know what He is talking about to me in this prayer at this time in my life. I understand. Asked a couple of other questions about my situation, woke up rested and calm, not upset so my guess is I got an answer from Him as I slept. I am beginning to lean on Him , I think, a whole lot more now. Feels good, like I have someone in my corner all the time. Not so lonely. I believe this was a good choice for me to go back to Church. HAve a great day AmyC. One quick question for you before I go to work, If she feels the need to decorate my house with D17, becasue she wants to and D17 wants her to, should i stop it? I have an answer in my head, but you indicated I need to maybe open up a little bit to her and be less "dark" so she can see me. Will my defiance in her putting up decorations in my home hurt my hope of anything with W? Sorray it was two questions.