Hey girls, well no word from him and its Wednesday now. Been a bit tearful! Hey ho.
Anyway, I found this hard to post, but I will.. I unwittingly became someones EA without spotting it until it was too late and he was actively trying to 'persuade' me into a PA. He said nothing specific, but he said plenty. I feel sad and angry about it. For his W, for me (is that all he thinks I am worth?) and for men. I am sick of all this BS. I have lost my faith in relationships. How am I supposed to date someone again after my ex betraying me and WA after 9 years with no effort to talk/fix it and now my BMF going the same way.
So, BMF37 is in Japan with his W (thank god). He phoned the day before he left first thing and told me alot of things. That he felt detached from her, that after 3 months apart the idea of family was abstract to him, that he felt single, that he is in MLC, but that he doesnt agree with men who have A and wreck the family, they handle it all wrong, it depends on your childhood background and he didnt intend to do that. No, he said, the thing to do is to have the mistress, but be discreet about it. As long as you maintain upmost discretion, the W never need know and you dont disrupt the children. The day before this he had been badgering me why I wouldnt just get involved with someone, for s*x if I couldnt find a new bf.. I explained about people being too old, too young, or M and so its hard at 37...he insisted, ahh, but what if a man is unavailable, he may SEEM as though he is, but what if that man was making himself available to you? You should go for it, why not, if he is making himself available...(and I thought he was a nice guy! Tsk).
Depressing isnt it? This is my best friend here of 2 1/2 years. And I'm friends with his W.
They nearly split last Xmas, she left overnight and he called the Police and reported her as kidnapping his children (!). They argue alot, he twice asked her to leave this year and go back to Japan. They both talked to me separately and advised IC, or MC, but they both refused. Then she needed an operation, so he persuaded her to have it back home. At first he was in a mess, upset and missing them and realised what he had lost.. then, the grass started to look greener hey.
As if I havent lost enough in the past year (career, home, cat, bf, my future with him) I now feel that I have lost my best friend here (as I am angry and I will have to tread carefully around him) but also, it has knocked my already fragile self worth. Is this all I am worth? An A with a M man? Lucky for his W that I have such solid morals.. as I do get on v well with this man and I am lonely and vunerable.
But I am an idiot, too trusting and naive. I thuoght it was a no brainer as he was M and he has been picking up the pieces of my broken heart for ages and he KNOWS I am in love with my ex still. I did NOT encourage him, or flirt, or compliment him or flatter his ego.. I was just myself (I make him laugh all the time and I guess I am no crocadillapig). My therapist said its not my fault, he is unhappy and desperate and thinks I am the answer ro his problems. But I feel crappy about it, seeing as I have been on these boards all year.
Not sure whether to email my ex or not. I feel so lonely after this latest blow.
