Hummmm, I am a little gun shy about saying this.....but, it hasn't stopped me before.

I get the strong impression by what I have read regarding your H that there really is nothing that you can do "right" in his eyes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how sweet you are, no matter what you say.....and especially how many times you say you are sorry just to try to get him to calm down.......it isn't going to work with him.

So, if it were me.....well if it were me I'd probably already be in the pen, so let's don't go there. In thinking about you in your stitch......it seems the best thing to do is completely drop the rope with him and let everything he says run off your back. Show no emotions at all toward him. If you are on the phone and he starts to raise his voice....tell him one time and one time only that you will not listen to him yell at you. If he disregards that or gets worse or starts with the name calling.....hang the darn phone up! You don't have to listen to that crap. If you are home.....go about your business as if he isn't even there. When he starts up with his usual bad behavior......totally ignore him or if you can....walk out of the house, get in the car and leave. Go riding around for a couple of hours or go someplace else. When he is acting like he should act, then respond positive to that, but when he starts this other stuff.....do not put up with it. He must be taught how to respect you or you won't be there to hear him. I don't know how you keep going living in that environment! But I totally believe that completely ignoring him when he is acting up would be the thing to break him......if it is possible to break him from doing all of that to you.

Keep working on the "I'm sorry" business. I have been more mindfull of it also. I have even stopped saying it here on the board. I find another way to express what I am trying to say. I bet if we popped ourselves with a rubberband everytime we said that.....it would break us pretty soon, don't you think?

It is so late and I've got to get in bed. Hope you have a good night sweetie. You have good friends here on the board. I don't have to tell you what a valuable friend you have in Amy. She is a jewell. I think you are too, but you just need to find that out about yourself. Then, honey, you are going to "shine"!!

Take care,
Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!