This past weekend was awesome. The most fun I have had in years. We had our xmas party out at a casino about 100 miles from here. Stayed up until 5:30am. Not as easy as twenty years ago as I slept ALL day Sun. Great way to GAL. XW didn't even pop in my head. Could of cared less what she was doing that day. All I knew is I had a great time and did it with out her. Seems each day that I tell myself I will be ok, that life goes on, I will come out of this ok, it gets easier. I did go on a date with her Monday night. This is something we agreed on in coaching and I feel I need to stick to that. I didn't even go past the front steps at the house. First raised eye brow from X. On way to where we were going more xmaas music in the cd player. Another raised eye brow. We ran a couple of errands. One of them I'm not sure if this is right or not but firted with the gal at the pharmacy. Another raised eye brow. Went to get a laptop fixed. She was upset and angry with this place. I am the fixer in the relationship. Not this time. I walked away and looked at DVD's. Fourth rasied eye brow. After we went to dinner at a new Indian place. Orderd HOT curry. Usually get MED. She said something about that. Eye brow rise number five. I didn't respond just smiled and kept looking her in the eyes. The whole night I would make eye contact an give a smile. If I wasn't looking and she would look at me I would get a lil grin on my face just to make her wonder what I was thinking. I never really got overly friendly. More or less matter of fact and listened, not fixing. This was very hard for me. Kept having to tell myself, no R talk, dodn't think about OM, this is our time, make her wonder who you are etc. On the way home I started giggling. She asked why. Told her I was laughing at myself for something else I have been doing lately. Praying many times a day. This was a jaw drop not a eye brow raise. She said "I didn't think you did that". Told her it helps me with my anger and makes my day happier. This got a eye brow raise. When we got back to the house I went and fed the dogs, had a smoke on my new pipe. (something new for me) She came out and was intrigued by the pipe. Told her Im done smoking cigs., this is more fun and smells better. Went back inside and went to go. Told her good night and thanks. She came to the stairs, we usually hug each other there. This time I gave her a pat on the back and walked away. She stood at stairs with a very funny look on her face. All in all this was the first time that I have been with her tha I felt I could take it or leave it. I think hitting bottom a couple weeks ago and having so much contemt for her lately has helped me detach. Not to the point where I am 100% over her but I do know likfe will go on without her. It like I would like to be her partner in life but don't need her to be. This past date has left her thinking, I am sure of that. Hope it works in my favor. What do you think, did I leave too many questions and over load her or just the right touch? thanks B
