I don't even know how many times my H and I talked today. I don't even know what all the conversations were about in the end. But I know the last time we spoke all he said was.. is that it...I just want to go and be sad by myself now. I felt so bad. Actually let me say part of me secretly felt good. It was the first sign that he has some kind of emotions other than hate and anger toward me. He would say he was sad, but it was always said in a conversational tone and it seemed like words. This time I could actually hear the sadness and I swear I hear the break in his voice that sounded like tears coming thru and I thought..finally some real emotion.
I got off the phone and like always I wanted to call back and tell him I loved him etc..but I didn't it just doesn't matter anymore. I guess I am in such a place that I don't see the way out of this for our marriage. A possible way out for me...yes, but not our marriage and so that is what is so sad.
I hear what you are saying about words just being words...but somehow they still hurt so bad.
I am trying to get out combat, but I want to get out without anyone getting killed if you know what I mean. I feel like we are either constantly injuring one another and taking each other down and I am just worried that one day one of us is going to hit the fatal blow and then there will be nothing left of our relationship. NOTHING>
