I think there are some similarities with our sitches (and you're a lawyer too, I believe!). I've tried to start my own thread but can't figure it out yet...
I'm trying to detach after GALing and PMAing for months. My h has noticed the changes in me, but his feelings "just aren't there". I don't think he's depressed but there are other MLC signs (the self-absorption and self-focus).
I'm trying the LRT and working on detaching... it's going much faster now after the GALing, etc., for so long. I think that maybe the LRT takes even longer for them to respond to or notice, if at all. As the detaching progresses I'm noticing that I feel better every day. So much better that I can even contemplate (although can't yet see) the day when possibly if he came back, I'd have to think a potential recon through again. Who knows? I'm not there yet but there's some value in contemplating all the possibilities.
Detaching is the one thing that is making my "acting as if" not only possible but real. It feels good when it happens... like I am at least sometimes back in control of myself.
I'm not initiating any contact, none. I will do so only in an emergency. Mail and telephone messages get forwarded in a business-like manner... just like I would do at the office. If he initiates contact, I am warm and friendly, but detached. I try to end all contacts first. I always have someplace to go, something to do... and yes, I've lied about that at times. I feel better telling those tiny lies and they are nothing compared to his biggies which I apparently lived through for quite awhile (long-term EA)!
Letting go for me includes the process of accepting that this may not work out.... that I don't have control over this. The dbing is becoming something that I am doing for me. It may have the collateral benefit of restoring the M. I couldn't get that when I first read the books, but I see what MWD means now.
If I've made this sound easy, it's not. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and it still hurts like hell most days (and nights).
We'll all get through this and be better for it. Thanks to everyone who posts here. You're all helping me through this difficult passage.
