Hey ITH

Thanks for posting on my thread. Good to hear from you!

I can see a lot of positive things happening here in your sitch but I have to say that I am still with Ali on this one. I try to be happy for you and your steps of progress but in the back of my mind something still does not seem right. I know that sounds awful. . .I'm sorry! Please don't hate me!

It's like you are making positive steps back into the marriage but I wish it was a different marriage that you were trying to step back into. Does that make any sense?

I know you are probably so tired of hearing this. I wish I could just say congrats but as a friend and fellow DBer I worry about you my dear.

And abuse is not always yelling and violence. It can be other things. Like in your case how he draws you close and then shoves you away. All men need cave time but the way your h goes about getting his is harsh and inapropriate.

I think Ali is spot on about the IC advice. I have said it before and will say it again. I really think you should look into it. Even just trying one or two sessions. Then again if you are not feeling it then you will not get too much out of it. You have to give and want to give something for it to work.

Ugh. I hate that I'm being negative when you are happy with your progress.

Ok.

I do think it is great that your h is still in IC. That is wonderful. And the fact that you can see changes is great. I also liked that he wants you to stay up and talk to him when he gets home as that is intimacy but I do not like that he demands this of you without giving anything back. I feel like you are so scared of him turning back and shutting down that you do not make your needs known to him. And to me that is not a marriage. It is a give and take. If he wants that from you, and feels comfortable enough to express that desire then I feel it would be time to give your own desires a voice and see what happens. If he does not love and respect you enough to give you a small thing in return for your gesture then this is not a relationship that can work properly.

I am also concerned about the ML thing. It seems very very werid to me that you two sleep in the same bed but there is no sex or even affection (besides the rare kiss or holding)

What would happen if you brought this concern to him? What is the worst case scenario?

I think it is time to start testing the waters a little bit. Stop bending over backwards for this man unless he is willing to do the same for you. Time to even the playing field.

I guess the point to all my rambling is that you need to get this thing moving to the next level or I fear it will stay like this indefinatly.

I hope some of that helps or at least gives you food for thought. I really am rooting for you. But rooting for you and rooting for your marriage are different things to me right now. \:\) Hope I did not offend!

~Daisy