Moving her from Newbees

[cotoffgard]

"Have good tramp"

That's the BEST quote ever! Ha ha!

Good luck pushing your plateauing R with WAW into something "more". I hope the time away will make her heart grow fonder. Would be a good gesture to send a few pics to her now and again (y'know the sherpas got wi-fi!).

Cheers,

COG

[Clayton]

Went out for dinner and a couple of drinks (maybe a couple too many).
I pretty much told her that when I come back I want to start moving in some sort of direction.

It was not a pleasent conversation...but it boiled down to either piss or get off the pot.

I'm pretty much done with the current situation and told her that she now has 30 days to get the ball rolling (I'll be back in about 30 days). I will not be having this conversation with her again.

Since this is her decision, I will not be aiding her in any of the hard work that will need to be done to get this accomplished. She will need to organize the sale of the house and facilitate all required repairs to get it in "for sale" condition.
She will need to arrange for a mediator to faciliate the seperaton of our pensions, IRAs, mutual funds etc.

If she thinks just moving to her own apartment was the hard part, I think she is in for a suprise.

This was the first time in 12 yrs I have been very blunt with her and treated her like I would treat a contrator who was not meeting expectations on a project. Tough & firm with no room for mis-interpretation.

We won't talk for 4 weeks and I hope she has some sort of wake up call to reality. If not......well this is going forward one way or another.

[cotoffgard]

Welcome back, Clayton! Good to hear that you made it back safe and sound. Hopefully not too many drunken skirmishes with sherpas.

Can't wait to hear what happened at home and abroad during your month-long excursion!

[Clayton]

Hey there COG,

Had a great trip away. The scenery in Nepal is stunning.

When I got home, W had totally spring-cleaned the house while I was away, pruned the garden and got my truck tuned up.
She had also packed up all her personal stuff and taken it to her apartment.

I gave her a call the day after I got back and we went out for coffee. Had a good chat about my adventures and about what she had been up to during the past month. My month away was the longest time I have been out of contact from her in the past 11 yrs.

Although I had told her just before I left that she needs to figure out what to do with the house etc....she never mentioned anything about that topic.
I sincerly wish I had never had that discussion with her as I really said much of it in the heat of the moment.

We are still getting on really well as great friends.....but just being friends in not what I am wanting from her. I want a partner, companion, lover.

It's been almost 7 mths now since the bomb and I feel like I have pretty much detached from the situation now. I do miss the companionship of having a live in partner and I really hate cooking for one.

I'm not sure if I'm going to get her anything for Christmas this year or not.

[Belle]

Hey Clayton

I just got interested in your sitch. I was reading along from the beginning and when you had that talk with her before you left, I was applauding. But now that you're back, you say you regret it......Why?

I guess I'm frustrated in my sitch and would love to do what you did. But then I know that I probably wouldn't get the answers I want. But there has to be a point where we draw the line. I guess each one of us will know when that point is, or will we waiver back and forth? One day be ready to move on and be done and then one day ready to hang on some more.....

Frustrating, is what I call it!

It's good to hear that you are GAL and enjoying yourself!

Keep us posted!

[Clayton]

I just got interested in your sitch. I was reading along from the beginning and when you had that talk with her before you left, I was applauding. But now that you're back, you say you regret it......Why?

I feel that I said what I did to try to get a reaction out of her more then actually wanting her to make a decision to move forward with the D.

I'm just sick and tired of coming home to an empty house every night. I want to share my life with someone and have someone appreciate being with me.

[Clayton]

Quick update:

We are going to get together later this week to start discussing how we are going to manage our finances for 2009.

I am current still living in our home while W is living in an apartment a few miles away. I don't want to keep the house (too many ghosts and I can't afford it on a single income)...so I guess we will have to sell it and divide the equity.

I suppose we will have to get some sort of QDRO on our retirement accounts to fairly divide those up 50/50.

I am going to ask her to sell the new BMW we purchased last year and have already paid off.

Our savings accounts we can split straight away.

Although we have never discussed it, I would almost gurantee that she is/has been having an affair during this entire time. It has slowly been dawning on me that this is something that I will never be able to forget.

She has not shown any interest at all in any sort of reconciliation. This is the first Christmas I won't be attending with her family in over a decade.

What a crappy year this has been!!!

[MsMelancoly]

Hi Clayton, Just wondering have you ever told your W this? It may not make a difference - but just wondering??


I'm just sick and tired of coming home to an empty house every night. I want to share my life with someone and have someone appreciate being with me.

I'm on the edge of getting a D too -BTW.

[Clayton]

Hi Clayton, Just wondering have you ever told your W this? It may not make a difference - but just wondering??


I'm just sick and tired of coming home to an empty house every night. I want to share my life with someone and have someone appreciate being with me.

I'm on the edge of getting a D too -BTW.

Hey MsMelancoly,

Wife knows exactly how I feel about the situation. I never saw this coming, didn't want it then....don't want it now.

I don't know if I ever want to get married again. I can't believe the person that I trusted most in the world pulled this stunt.

For the first few months after the bomb, I blamed myself 100% for the situation. Now I believe that I was a good husband and it was her that had the issues. She never has discussed the relationship and I still to this day don't know where I went wrong. If I had to do it over again, there would only be some minor changes that I would address. Nothing major at all. I would help around the house a little more and not be so frugal (frugal means living within your means).

We had a lovely home, new cars, world trips every 2 yrs. Most people would kill to have our lifestyle.....but not her. She wanted something else.

Sometimes I feel like just packing it all in and moving back to NZ.

[MsMelancoly]

Clayton, You are right most would kill for that live style & have. I have the same feelings you do.

Don't know what to say - except she probably not happy with herself. It's more about her than you. (I mentioned something like this on Ali's thread today). Being the same age w/out kids, I always stuggle that this was not the life script I was taught. You know, the 2.5 kids, white house, happy marriage. Is it something I want - don't know. But breaking that script is a battle.

Good luck w/your meeting & stay strong