the rope is fraying now #10

[kelaaron]

Ok number 4 chiming in. BG I have listened to you and I have read your post and I have read the others advice. I told you go to Walgreens and get the mail off DNA test. I almost fell on the floor the other day when I saw that, like I was meant to know it existed. Get it. Then read the directions and see how much the lab part costs. Then approach H with it. Openly. He can get what is needed from S although OW will probably balk since she will probaby know why he wants it. If you and he are going to have any sort of M, he needs to have the legal footing and backing of the court for visitation. Otherwise, she will continue to put H through this until you feel so guilty that you let him go, set him free, whatever you want to call it. Then she won and that is what she is counting on. But if you don't do it this way, eventually, no matter what he says now, he will hold it against you and then there will be resentments on both sides. Not a recipie for a good M.

No you did NOT create this situation. But if you are choosing to live with it, you have to take the necessary steps. To save BG. Not for H or OW or even the child. However, I can't believe I'm saying this, H is doing nothing wrong either right now that we know of. He is trying to be dad and husband. The other night he didn't go running to OW, he was on your property. He has chosen you for now, but if she keeps playing this game, he will eventually regret that choice if he wants to be the dad he seems to want to be. He has not chosen her. This is no longer a choice between you and her (although he probably is stupid enough to get sucked in again). This is a choice between you and his child. Not a choice that you created but a choice none the less.

I will tell you it is ok to take a time out. I have been saying that for a while to you now, but more crap keeps coming along. You need a time out from saving this M and save BG for a little while. Get strong. Then decide what you want to do about M.

You are trying to do it all at once and that isn't going to work for long and may land you in the hospital or worse. Breathe BG. Change your strategy.