{{Tomato}} Well you need to come out of the gate..have you found any classes you are interested in?
Tawnya
my vicarious living is so engrained in me and is very often after all these years kind of my comfort zone. I make occasional trips "out of my rabbit hole" .. semi-regular trips. My life tends to be a blend of being amused by watching others and their foibles for entertainment and then selectively choosing to entertain others in the same way .. I guess ..or something like that.
I'll get around to it. I am a manana kind of person. Very deliberate. Not afraid of spontaneity too much but it is only occasionally mixed in.
The Lord connected me with an ole' flying pal from a few years back who is flying charters carrying high rollers for a living. Luck and the Lord had him think of me ( I guess I am memorable enuf) since he is landing at the same airport that I always do each night. SO that will be fun to briefly catch up with an old friend. If I try to be a hermit for too long ..the Lord puts a stop to it like that. It will be enjoyable
Yay for Tawnya and the GAL plans!!!! I'm proud of you!!!
Sorry I wasn't here earlier to say so...had a rough day. But, I'm back on track this evening. Do say a little prayer for me. I'm not sure the "I need the boys home by 8:30 tomorrow night." convo will go well with H!!!
Hugs to you!!!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Just trying to get caught up with everyone. I just haven't had the time to be here much the past few days.
I haven't been able to really get caught up with you yet, but I saw that the conversation about "I'm sorry" got developed a bunch more here on your thread. I'm glad, because everyone's explanations about it really made sense and I can now understand what Sandi was saying.
So, I'm going to take Sandi up on her challenge to be more aware of how often I say those words. Starting now. I'll substitute "excuse me" when appropriate, to start. I'm also one of those people who say "I'm sorry" in empathy, and yes, I get the "it's not your fault" line from people, which always surprises me because I AM only empathizing, not taking responsibility. Like, if someone tells me they have the flu, I'll say, "Oh, I'm sorry". Like, I wish they felt better, NOT that I think it's my fault they have the flu--that's just ridiculous! I'm thinking something along the lines of "what a bummer" would be a better phrase to use.
And I can see how saying those words all the time to empathize can really diminish their meaning when you really need to take repsonsibility for something and express regret for it. Something I never thought about...
Me: 38 H: 41 M: 12 D12, S10 H began EA: 7/08 H moved out: 9/30/08 Bomb (sleeping with OW): 10/23/08
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1638048&page=2#Post1638048
{{Love}} For sure..I caught myself doing it again TODAY..but now it's COOL cause I have caught myself doing it..which means I will definitely be working on breaking that habit!
So..I had a good night tonight with my friend..we were at Starbucks for like 3 hours just talking about everything..we talked about my sitch a bit, but it was great to just hear about her life and what's going on with her too..it was really sweet, she told me she just could not BELIEVE how "strong" I was about all of this..I told her I didn't feel quite so strong, but I'll definitely take coming across that way Sweet..so maybe all the "manly" strength and honor around here is rubbing off on the ladies
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Hummmm, I am a little gun shy about saying this.....but, it hasn't stopped me before.
I get the strong impression by what I have read regarding your H that there really is nothing that you can do "right" in his eyes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how sweet you are, no matter what you say.....and especially how many times you say you are sorry just to try to get him to calm down.......it isn't going to work with him.
So, if it were me.....well if it were me I'd probably already be in the pen, so let's don't go there. In thinking about you in your stitch......it seems the best thing to do is completely drop the rope with him and let everything he says run off your back. Show no emotions at all toward him. If you are on the phone and he starts to raise his voice....tell him one time and one time only that you will not listen to him yell at you. If he disregards that or gets worse or starts with the name calling.....hang the darn phone up! You don't have to listen to that crap. If you are home.....go about your business as if he isn't even there. When he starts up with his usual bad behavior......totally ignore him or if you can....walk out of the house, get in the car and leave. Go riding around for a couple of hours or go someplace else. When he is acting like he should act, then respond positive to that, but when he starts this other stuff.....do not put up with it. He must be taught how to respect you or you won't be there to hear him. I don't know how you keep going living in that environment! But I totally believe that completely ignoring him when he is acting up would be the thing to break him......if it is possible to break him from doing all of that to you.
Keep working on the "I'm sorry" business. I have been more mindfull of it also. I have even stopped saying it here on the board. I find another way to express what I am trying to say. I bet if we popped ourselves with a rubberband everytime we said that.....it would break us pretty soon, don't you think?
It is so late and I've got to get in bed. Hope you have a good night sweetie. You have good friends here on the board. I don't have to tell you what a valuable friend you have in Amy. She is a jewell. I think you are too, but you just need to find that out about yourself. Then, honey, you are going to "shine"!!
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
