Would she agree to counseling now? Considering her recent behavior, I would perhaps consider making MC and even IC for her a condition on her moving back in, plus full transparency.
I think it's very interesting that as soon as you successfully detached, and pulled away, she's pursuing somewhat. Isn't that fascinating???
Remember her Mom told me this under the circumstance that I will not tell a soul. So it does make me feel better she feels that way but would like to know what do I do!!! When she does move back right before I leave? How do I act after I am gone? Do I act the same righ now detached and acting like I moved on ith my life?
I just want to make sure I do the right thing if she does move back and that I dont do nothing between now and then to change her mind. Thats why IU think her Mom told me. I am not trying to analyze why she waiting till I have to leave for training but probably so she can get more space.So far my wife is the Woman they talk about in DR. almost to the T. She thought she was in love,she thought life be better without me,thought its all my fault,thought kids be better off,thought she doin the right thingthought she would be happy, Something busted her fantasy nd I think it was when she thought about loosing me,at least I think so. So hope you can help me with the Questions,have some time til then but I just want as much as input can get and make the right moves. Thank you in advance for any input
Garry, if W wants to move back definitely should have conditions.
Agree with PD. Has to go to MC/IC and work on issues.
NC with OP.
Continue to act detached and work on yourself. Since your W complaint was that you would not give her space, it seems that you are having better results with the detachment. baby steps...
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
You don't have to tell her you talked to your MIL -- these would be conditions that you would reasonably have, as her husband, ANYWAY.
I'm suggesting to just use the info that you have from your MIL to know that your wife is warming toward you, and ask her for NC and full transparency.
If she doesn't want to do it, you'll at least have your answer.
You still sound absolutely TERRIFIED of losing her, or saying/doing ANYTHING that will "spook" her. She's going to be able to smell that from a mile away. You need to learn to lose the "desperate" vibe you're sending off. That's not a knock -- just an observation.
I know,I dont want to say anything and then we are back to square one, So Do I wait till she moves back or announces to me she will move back
The latter. Then calmly say "That's good -- I'm glad. However, you need to understand that I need to protect myself, and there are some things I will need in order to feel like I can trust you again."
Do I tell her to seek counseling while I am gone and How do I act once I am gone
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You can't tell her what to do -- that's CONTROLLING. All you can do is let her know what YOUR boundaries are. If one of them is that YOU need for her to get some counseling in order for YOU to feel safe in the marriage again, then let her know that when you lay out your other boundaries for her.
