Making my own good karma!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Starting a new thread because I need a change in attitude.

Thread 1
Thread 2

I've been thinking that I have got to stop "future f**king" myself! {I am sorry to the site "powers that be" if that offends!}. This means that I have an awful lot to be thankful for and I keep losing sight of that by worrying about everything! I've been letting my moods control me and that's not good! I need to wake the he** up and realize what I have!

1. I have 2 kids (S17 & D24) who love me and know I love them with all my heart, and they seem to feel compfortable talking honestly with me about their concerns and have both told me that I deserve better than H has given me, and I need to show them a strong mother they can be proud of!

2. I have a good paying stable job working with people that have supported me through this even though I have definitely slacked off on my "productivity" (some due to "preoccupation" with my sitch and this board). They deserve better from me!

3. My H continues to go to IC and MC with me and with S17, in
spite of many "backslides" and "meltdowns" over the past month from both me and S17 (and even a couple meltdowns from H, where he "got over it" and continues on and hasn't run) {This is since the PA came out and he seemed to "wake up" at least a little}

4. I have friends, both female and male, who have indicated a desire to spend social time with me, so I need not sit at home if I don't want to! This doesn't mean I am interested in pursuing other relationships, but it means that I have other options.....maybe.

I am going to do my best to not even think about the OW. I don't want her to have that influence on my life! I don't think I have evey actually hated anyone in my life. I didn't think I really had it in me. But, what I feel for that woman comes very close. I sincerely hope, for my own wellbeing that I get over these feelings one day, but that day is not today. However, I am going to try not to dwell on it.

H called and asked if I will carpool home with him tonight, or if I had other plans. I don't. So, we are either going to work some more on the house or go out to a club or something and have fun. (I will do NO R TALK!).

Tomorrow, I am going to a Celtic Yuletide concert with my Mom and Step-dad and D24. Then Thursday I have IC. Then Friday I have our company X-mas party. I invited H, but he is going up to "the ranch" for some alone time. So, I am taking S17 as my date! A guy friend from work that owes me a couple drinks (don't ask why) said he might take me out after the party. Maybe we'll go for coffee instead with S17 with me. I told H about this and he said "That sounds like fun."......the jerk!
And, Saturday, I am taking S17 to see Bill Engval. That should be fun!

So my calendar is full! I definitely have a life! And I am thankful!