Rob: My heart goes out to you, my friend... Here's something that I can offer you, though. My first marriage ended when my S11 was very young as well - though that marriage ended very differently - as it was very mutual and neither of us made any effort to keep it going - we just knew that we were not right for one another....but here's what I want to get to - my relationship with my S11 is incredible - and, like your daughter, he tells me things that let me know that he feels safe and comforted by being with me. Not that his mother is anything like your XW or my W - in fact, I'm still good friends with his mother - and have even talked about the fact that we might not have been right for one another as husband and wife - but we are good at being friends to one another...not that it's always been this way - at first, she was very angry with me about the divorce - and tried to get a lot out of me - and even got in the way of letting me see my son - but once I made the decision that I would always be there for him no matter what - there was just nothing anyone could do to harm my relationship with him.
Your daughter sounds like such a smart, sweet girl - and I know how hard it is when our children cry - but even in the darkest of times we can show them how to be strong - and how to be true to themselves. One thing that has continued to surprise me about my situation is that my S11 still tells me that he has a great life - even that he had a great summer (he spends summers with me - and my W dropped the bomb on my birthday in May). So, somehow, I managed to protect him from being harmed by the most painful experience of my life...and it comforts me to know that no matter what happens in my life, I can be a good father to my children. From everything you say and do, I can see that the same is true for you - and that will keep your daughter safe and strong throughout her life.
