Yeah, I'm back again. Not smoking is really killing me.
One good thing that's come out of today is that I feel as if I could care less about him existing in the world. i actually feel a bit like he doesn't exist - like he's some kid I knew that moved away years ago and barely makes an indent.
Today, I have no idea why I ever loved him. All I can think of - between praying for him and trying NOT to feel this way - is that things were never right. That the marriage was a mistake. That there's nothing he's go that I want.
Must. Go. Pray.
Of course, when I think of him packing up and removing his stuff this weekend, everything seems even more hopeless. What is the point, now?
The D is on the way. Everything is happening so quickly. I know God can work any miracle, so I need to have faith in that, and I am trying - but things seem pretty bleak. I cannot believe that my life just changed overnight, and that he is the one destroying it.
I really do deserve better. He really doesn't deserve me.
Why go back to someone like that?
I seriously have got to get my brain back on track. Nothing good is going to come from this anger. I need to give it all to God and just let go.
