Independence Day on the Lake Erie shore.....

[Tawnya]

I have to agree with the "boys" on this one..see...because, in reality, you would be helping HER by having her drop the kids off this morning..of course you would have seen your kids, but the point is WHAT was the real motivation that you would have sent it..so when she "needs" something that is not an emergency about the kids, I would say do some but not all or do none to be totally a 180 for you

Now..on the other hand..if it were me, I would say YOU call or text out of the blue and say, I'd like to take the kids to dinner or a movie or ice cream or have them spend the day..not when your wife WANTS you to..but when YOU just feel like it?

Tawnya

[Neilh23]

ok....this is just scary for me. my W needs to take her car to get an estimate because it got dinged yesterday. normally, i would offer to take D3.5 (i am taking d2.5 to the doctor for an xray) but i didn't. and it's making me feel uncomfortable. like i feel like i should offer......but i know that's what i USED to do.

wtf.....is this normal?????

[A in Ohio]

Tawnya is on the money here. I take my kids extra ... but on my terms... Your reaching out to your W to help HER if school is on a delay. Don't fool yourself.

Look, your a great father and a great friend to your W. No one is denying that. BUT you need to stop being her friend and let her have some responsibilities. Your W doesn't need a friend right now, she needs a husband.

Be fair, be strong, be unincombered by the BS, Be honorable, Get your focus.... that should last ya a while.

When you act like you demand respect... you'll get it.

[A in Ohio]

it's making me feel uncomfortable. like i feel like i should offer......but i know that's what i USED to do.

You decide... was that a cheeseless tunnel?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Tawnya is on the money here. I take my kids extra ... but on my terms... Your reaching out to your W to help HER if school is on a delay. Don't fool yourself.

Look, your a great father and a great friend to your W. No one is denying that. BUT you need to stop being her friend and let her have some responsibilities. Your W doesn't need a friend right now, she needs a husband.

Be fair, be strong, be unincombered by the BS, Be honorable, Get your focus.... that should last ya a while.

When you act like you demand respect... you'll get it.

Damn, when'd you get so good, A???

Neil, I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I said often in my sitch that I lost all my courage of my convictions.

Puppy

[Neilh23]

it's just incredibly unnerving to do this. i had actually started to write an email to my W offering to pick up d3.5, but erased it before i sent it.

however, this is what it feels like at first, huh?

[Tawnya]

{{Neil}} You did so good..you know..I think that's why the guys always write "strengh and honor"..it definitely takes both in these sitches my friend

I think you should get the kids soon at a time you normally don't just because YOU want to

I'm just excited I got a "right on the money" from A and Puppy :::happy dancing::: LOL

Tawnya

[Neilh23]

LOL....tawnya....i'm happy for you..

it's just a weird feeling. can't describe it.

now...here's where it could get tricky...and i want to be proactive. if the pattern continues...and she starts to sense me drifting away...she'll ask for something..and somehow it'll involve the kids.

i can see her using the kids to guilt trip me. how do i avoid that?

[A in Ohio]

LOl Tawyna...

It does feel weird and this is an opportunity for you to do something else. Make the most of that time. I work on the house and read. Use the time, just don't sit there and think about it. Read everyone's sitch's if you want.

Yep, my W uses the kids as pawns as well. You'll have to ask yourself. Does the request make sense and what is my benefit? If it doesn't fit those two questions then you're probably being manipulated. Or, just don't answer the call or text. An easy excuse is that you were sleeping or didn't hear the phone... whatever. My point is.. don't let the guilt be your guide. You know the right answer in your head and your allowing your "correct choice" be manipulated.

Strength, honor bro. Get in the club. This isn't easy and is counterintuitive to WHAT YOU WERE USED TO DOING. Make this a 180 for you bro.

If your wife takes one step forward, you take a half step back.

[Tawnya]

Neil..funny..I was just talking on Lostinspace's site about how his wife is using the kids to guilt trip and I think that's a tough one for anyone..on either side..parents notoriously, either on purpose or by accident, put the kids as a guilt trip chip..

I think, IMHO, that, YOU know YOU..you know how much time you spend with the kids, you know what you do for them, you know how much you love them..so, if you KNOW that and remember that, then what someone else says to you about the kids shouldn't matter to you..

Someone can only guilt trip you if you let them...

Tawnya