I cannot accept her life or her choice to be with someone else. Being around her sets me off. I cannot be her friend while she is with him. It is too difficult. I cannot share my feelings with her knowing there are none for me. sorry, my selfish side. Being all nice and good graces and trying to be friends with her will give her the impressionthat I am accepting of her situation. Nothing could be further from the truth. She needs to know the pain she has caused and the mess she created. that will not be apparent by disregarding everything to be friends with her. Again, I had asked the question about being dark and the facrt that she is not responsive and my feeling is that she looks at that as he is gone, nothing to do with me so I'll continue on with my life. The other way I was treating her was, whatever youi need come see me I'll take care of it. everyone on this site agreed that was definitely thewrong impression to give her. so I don't know what I should do. She does not live with me, she does not communicate with me, and she does not give a rats ass about me. Her attitude to everyone who askes her is that we are over, it is done, no chance in hell that we'll ever be together. She is happy, she is in love with John, that is the way it is. Sorry, nobody I'm friends with would do anything remotely this painful to me. She has chosen her path, I did not push her,I did not cause this, I did not create this, she did. I am not at fualt I did nothing wrong except to be in love with her, and where did that get me....
I begged her to tell me what was wrong, for two years she was acting strange. Well she got her wish, like sh told her friend, I don't know what I want, I just know I don't want him!!! Well she got that didn't she. she is in love wiht OM, this 6 month time frame I heard about , read about of how these things end, well best that I can see she has been "with him" for ove 6 months, cheating on me. so tell me, how should I be reacting to this. Sorry to go off like this, but having her out of my life, in my mind, is keeping me sane, is keeping me hopeful that maybe she'll come back, big MAYBE! I have hope and strength, I am a better person, all this without her. The only pain I have is the gut wrenching anguish she is putting me through while she skips through her life. So again, how can I be friends with her? Acknowledging her hurts bad enough without having to see her or talk to her. She has no problem not seeing me, hearing from me or whatever with me. that is a fact. The only time she hears from me iis for money. When the insurance changes, that communication will be over. She will be happy, Lonelyd, the other bill collector in her life will be gone. Another bill collector off her back. Again, sorry, but this has been running through me for a very long time. So someone please tell me, how should a behave, how should I cat, how should I feel and how should I do anything?
All of what you said is exactly what I said in my thread. Minus one thing. All though it is hard to do, you have to accept the fact of what she's doing and who she's with.
If she, much like my STBX (not even going to bother with W anymore), if hse wants to be the party girl all the time, let her. If a party girl is what OM wants to contend with all the time, LET HIM. Do you wnat to deal with it? I think not.
I will tell you from my sitch, her OM isn't to pleased half the time with her anticts. She's already lost one job, teatering on losing her main job, and yet they supposed to be buying a house together? Even though I know their time is limited at best, she wants him, fine I accept it. That's what you need to do, it's even one of the steps remember.
Of course you're pissed, who wouldn't be. And I was made that same offer, "let's be friends". Guess what happened when I accepted? I was told we couldn't be friends, ever again. So, think about it a bit. You find the answer deep down in you that you need to accept her choice for now.
As you were told, I ahve been many times, it is what it is.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
This is why I have gone to Church. these answers ar not easy, my emotional life is very hard right now, a major uphill battle against the wind. I am very strong, emotionally, mentally and physically, but I needed help, I caould feel my self giving in to the incline and the wind, it would be much easier to turn and go with the flow. I have climbed to high to not see the top of this hill, to not see all I can do....
AmyC, again I did not mean to lash out. I am letting Him speak to me, letting Him listen to me, letting Him guide this situation. I do not believe He wants me to hand this over to Him and sit back on my laurels waiting for the situation to unfold. I believe He wants me on the path I am on right now. I believe He wants me to continue as I have been and to see more signs. This is what I am now doing. It is my LRT...After this, there is nothing left to do....
Thanx Dday. No, i have accepted it which is why my anger is so fierce. And yes, it is what it is. I concentrate on me and what I can control. I am better at it every day, week and month. I am a better person than her on many levels. AmyC and some of the others have kept me sane, kept me focused and kept me sincere.
Postings from you are helpful because no one wants to feel alone in their sitch. Sad thing is, not many guys posting here in this sitch have a happy ending, at least none I've read. Although, the ones who came out on top, probably stopped posting due to the positive changes, too bad they wouldn't come back and drop a lin or give updates or support.
Anyway, I have vented, my anger is back in check and under control. I am a very good person. the fact that he is still upright, she isn't kicked to the curb and under serious scrutiny by everything that breathes is a tribute to my control and compassion. Make no mistake, I have no compassion for him. This is not his first time doing this crap to his wife and with another married woman. He will get his, I will not be part of his damnation, but it will be just, make no mistake of that.
"I can't deny what I believe, I can't be what I'm not. I know this love's forever, no matter what." Truer words for me have never been spoken. Someone will find in me the love that they need and desire, and I in them. Whther it is W or not, eventually I will be complete. I am the gold ring on this ride. I know that.
Vent away when you need to HERE ( I've screwed taht up enough times on my own).
And you're welcome. Sorry I can't provide much postivity. My stance now is as said, I let go, no sense in fighting for what doesn't want to be fought for. BUT, it's not over til the dotted line is signed, and even there after you never know. I do know from time to time in STBX's voice and ALWAYS in her eyes, she know what she's throwing away. And as they say, one person's trash is another person's treasure.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I hear you. I have been told by AMyC and a few others that things will get worse before they get better. I try not to dwell on it, and it may be this status quo is as worse as it will get, I doubt it. I am very strong, have a solid network around me, my family, my friends, this board, now church. So I have compassion for me and a 2x4 in the head when I need it. I do not accept pity, nor do I give it. You reap what you sow. Positive actions beget positive results and vice versa. I need to be what I want to be, nothing else. I am a good person. I am better than I was before. She will come out of this, with me remains to be seen. But as people have indicated, when she does come out, her pain and suffering will be greater than mine. If she seeks to come to me, great if not, good luck to her in her life. She has already burnt many bridges, some of which cannot be repaired by her.
I "fix" things, I make things better, I do what most people can't. My job is a "fixer" my reputation is a fixer. I take care of things...This is my life...This is something I cannot fix, I cannot take care of, I cannot make better. I accept this as difficult as it is for someone whose life for 30 years has been resolving problems and issues for customers and people.
I have frustration, anger, pain, sorrow, misery and loneliness. I also have happiness, joy, and a great feeling of accomplishemnt at the end of each day as I sit in my home. Hope your hope stays, like you said it ain't over till you sign on the dotted line, and even then, there is no ghuarantee.
AmyC, again I did not mean to lash out. I am letting Him speak to me, letting Him listen to me, letting Him guide this situation. I do not believe He wants me to hand this over to Him and sit back on my laurels waiting for the situation to unfold. I believe He wants me on the path I am on right now. I believe He wants me to continue as I have been and to see more signs. This is what I am now doing. It is my LRT...After this, there is nothing left to do....
Don't worry about lashing out.
So what you're saying is you're doing what YOU think God wants you to do based on your own ability to reason your situation.
Nope. I have stopped doing what i was doing, which was failing and losing hope. I am not doing what I think He wants me to do, I am doing what it is He wants me to do. The signs, especially the cross, were very solid. He wants me to continue with me, to continue to be me. There is no rationalization of this situation, as you know. Since I canot reason through this, I need to have faith. That is what I am now doing, having faith in Him to guide me and to hold onto my hope. I don't think He wants me to sit back. He wants mye to have the strength in what it is I am doing and not despair. This is what He wants. Thanks AmyC, I know you understand better than most.
I wanted to leave my path, give up, call it quits because the sane , rational, logic in this says too. As I confided in you, I needed to do something I haven't done, go to Church, to find something to tell me not to give up. I think He has done a prettygood job with me so far....
If I was doing what I thought GOD wanted me to do, I might as well forget Church. I am doing what it is He wants me to do. He wants me to have strength, hope and faith. these were the things I was losing a couple of weeks back, even after my thanksgiving. So, no I don't think He wants me to have them, I KNOW HE does. Thanks again for looking out for me AmyC.
W is at my house with D17. She is going to help her string the lights on our Xmas tree. Then D17 is going to her house. I really don't want her doing anything with my tree. I prefer she leave it alone and I'll do it myself.
