OK. I would say go on the vacation if the kids are well enough to fly. You could use some Florida sunshine. The days are usually warm right now, but the nights are cold, so you will need some warm clothing. Take it easy on the vacation. Don't do the parks from 10 AM-10 PM. Take it slow. Just get out in the sun and try to get better.
As for the relationship. Well, you need to go to counseling and try to work things out so you understand each other better. This is too painful to continue as is. But the kids deserve better than parents who just throw away the family.
So try to get him to agree to just that. Nothing more. Retrouvaille could work, or once a week counseling.
I don't want to throw the family away, believe me, Im just tired, tired of the comments and belittling. Its demeaning the things he says, and I think he is so self absorbed, that knowone could make this man happy.
I would have no problem going to counseling, him I don't know. He hasen't been interested in the past. I will ask, but will certainly not get my hopes up.
His personality is such that he nees Constant reassurement in every area, Ok, its totally impossible for anybody to do that.
When you have small kids at home, it makes it that much harder. I know he feels left out, and Im not doing it on purpose, they have been sick now for so long, and all they want is me. What am I supposed to do? I can't be everything to everybody, although that is what he expects from me.
I am definately losing myself in the shuffle.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Yes. I didn't mean to imply that you would be throwing the marriage away. My thought was that he was. Either way, living in unpleasantness is a drain on everyone. And mothers do lose themselves when the kids are growing up. I did too. And I remember being unhappy for a long time. I wish we had reached out for help sooner. It can really make a difference. However, it is not a magic bullet. It only works if both people are really willing to put forth the effort, and are willing to make changes in themselves. Fact is, few people are that willing. That's why there are so many divorces.
I know what you meant, no worries. It really sad, when he isn't here everything is fine, quiet, kids play nicely (for the most part, they are boys ).. When he gets home, the mood changes.
Certainly him being away this summer was difficult, but overall, when he is away for a day or two, I actually look forward to the quietness.. that is unfortunate. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. He makes the mood crappy, and I end up just going upstairs to do laundry and just stay away from him.
He thinks everything is a quick fix, its not, and I don't know how to make him understand that.
Instead I find him on the internet this morning looking to have a body part grow larger....OMG sara.. He's ridiculous.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I just don't know. He obviously feels like he's become so detached. He wants to know he's still wanted and needed. Do you involve him with the boys? Does he feel he can interact with the three of you? Or does he feel, rightly or wrongly, that he is somehow shut-out?
And body-part enlargement? There on the Internet in front of you? Given his history?
Consciously or unconsciously, I think he's trying to get a reaction out of you. If he's feeling so insecure that he's considering increasing his "manhood", that speaks to the degree he feels uncertain.
Need to think on this some more, but if he's still talking this way you can be sure he hasn't given up, not yet. I just don't think he honestly realizes what the results will be for this kind of provoking you. He really needs to wake up.
nc.. I think you are right about him becoming detached. He actually showed me some stuff on the internet about it, and I told him (not to get to graphic) that I was totally happy the way things were in that arena and that I love him the way he is.
He thinks that increasing his manhood would make me want him more... WRONG!! I told him that if he was more attentive and there for me emotionally that , THAT would make me more interested, not the latter.
We were intimate last night, even though I was still upset with the day before. When He walked in the door and I just hugged him and said that I loved him, and he said it back, that was it.
I do think he is incredibly insecure, and is wanting my full attention.
As for the boys, they love there daddy. I always tell them how hard he works for us, so we can go to disney and have nice things and so mommy can stay home with them. They rough house and play, he does love them a lot, but I do think he feels like hes missing out because he works so much.
Anyways, things a little better, I have a busy day today. thanks for your care.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
You are as bad as me... Ready to call it quits one minute and then ...... well..... ok I will give it some more time....... Glad to see you too are in a "up swing"....
Have a great day.....
You just can't win And so it goes Till the day you die This thing they call love It's gonna make you cry I've had the blues The reds and the pinks One thing for sure
(Love stinks)
Dr LOve....
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Your right doc.. it sucks.. really. But you know we've been together, um married for almost 18 years, together 20 years.. I can't just throw the towel in, although some days I want to.
Im a fighter, but im tired. as are you.
Have a good day Doc.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
).. When he gets home, the mood changes.