I'm not getting into this pissing contest with you, dday.
I understand your position. I just don't happen to agree with it. Having been the recipient such of amazing grace, I know more people would benefit from exercising as well as receiving it - especially when they do not deserve it.
And just so you know, I did have an om at one time. And my husband knew it and he still didn't drop me.
I think I need to be supportive, but more in a quiet, uderwritten way. As I am very dark to her right now, i have to show that I have soemthing to offer other than her wiping her feet on my back.
I feel strongly about the beneficiary deal. I don't want her benefitting from anything from me at this point. If she comes back, I can change it, if not, my kids will benefit.
I have to draw up these lines, and boundaries, because I believe they are important. As I posted, you know me, and you know that I would take care of her. But right now, I am everything to my kids, my grandkids, my home, my pets, and all my creditors. She is someone who calls and says hello, how's it going. Telemarketers do the same thing. Emotionally she is all set in her life, the rest rolls off her back. I do not see pain or confusion or any other negative emotion when I see her. If she is happy with her life, then I don't see her ever coming back. Lala land is good to her, drinking 4 nights out of 7 is good for her, being financially burdened is good for her, having this OM who has nothing to offer other than a bed and more alcohol is good for her, then, no, she will never come back.
I have a good life right now. I am an emotional mess and would like to have someone i can share everything with, but I don't. I pay my bills, I worry about health insurance, car insurance, home owners insurance, my D17 school lunch, if she eats enough, how she dresses, Xmas presents, keeping everything together. This takes a lot out of each day. i am spent each day. I was feeling guilty for sitting my butt down around 8 some nights, but you know what, my days are pretty full of issues that i deal with.
I feel pretty good today. Have to pick up some "women" products for D17 today. she was embarassed to ask. Told her not to worry about it, been doing it for years.
I think I am doing OK on almost every front. I wish I had more money to be able to get everything done around my house and Xmas, but who doesn't. My biggest concerns today, clogged tub (shampoo cap in drain most likely) and getting the dog a bath and her nails clipped. Not bad, not bad at all. My mind wanders to her still, especially when I lay down at night and again when I wake up. But 29 years of not doing either alone has a way of doing that to ya. My new Celtic Cross somehow makes me feel better, psychosymatic I am sure, but it does. Looking forward to tonight and spend time with a friend and this weekend have me feeling good as well.
No AmyC I am not vindictive, I am not vengeful and I am not out to destry her on any level, I am leaving all of that to her!
I have done too much to this point to even consider that. If this is how she wants to live her life, there is simply nothing I can do about it. I would love to talk to your husband and get some thoughts about questions I have, question I don't ask here, questions I now ask in Church. I am starting to answer them in my head. I believe the answers are true, mostly. So this is keeping me sane, but angry at the same time which I am confident is normal. Anyway, wanted to get your thoughts on my post about church and the Celtic Cross I got in Boston. You seem to be a decently spritual person and woukld love to hear your thoughts ont these two things. TTYS, have agreat day.
Dday, your thoughts are well received and the pain and anger in your response are the same I feel. Posting here helps get it out of my system so that I don't act on them. I find myself very rational lately and very few things can send me off without some thought process. this site helps me vent. Our sitch sux, no doubt, but we must shine through, without doing that, there is no light to call them home, there is no reason for them to come home and without shining, we cannot become better people. You have a great day and keep posting here to me, look forward to your resposnses as we are peas in the same pod.
We got into town, walked around a little bit before I noticed the Irish cart in the marketplace. thinkingof my older D who wanted a Celtic Cross necklace, we went in. I looked at all the crosses and kept coming back to the "knotted" cross. Told my D17 I liked it and she said then buy it. I hemmed and hawed bout not buyng myself things, feel awkward spending money on myself. Then she said, what does it say on the back. I joked and said probably made in china. I put my glasses on and the word "STRENGTH" was written on the back of the cross. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I couldn't believe it. Here I was a week before complaining I am not getting any signs about what to do where I should go or anything. Now I am locking at a cross that fascinated me with the insription "STRENGTH" on the back. Yeah its a sign.
Ok, so you've been told where to look for strength. Most people still choose not to but instead try to do everything on their own; make decisions on their own, carry burdens on their own, determine whether to stand or move on on their own based on what they SEE and what they FEEL rather than on what God says is TRUE.
You get to choose, too.
My advice would be never to choose based on how you feel or how you WANT to feel.
What does HE say about your family?
Don't know?
Then go find out.
Additionally - there is an old poster around here named faithfulH - he busted his divorce - by standing on the Word - he doesn't post much anymore but I'm going to steer him your way.
Thanks, yeah, I'm definitely on the path I need to be on. STRENGTH is what I need, as you know. I am definitely getting it from within now. I wear it everywhere. I know now He tells me to have STRENGTH, that will help me hold on to my hope and what I believe. As for the falling apart when I leave church, my mother seems to think its because while I a in church He is embracing me, giving me a much needed shoulder to cry on, to let out my emotions. I believe this is true, no other explanation comes close.
Heh, you can say that again brother. I'm with you 100% on the financial issues and the whole nine yards. I'm supposed to be leaving the house Feb. 1st. Mostly for me, I don't feel I should be financially burdened anymore with it as MY family will no longer live there anyway. Yet after a conversation with a friend I just had regarding W's intent to file custody and support next month having a good possibility of blowing up in her face I don't know what the heck to do.
With W's party all the time way of life I can guarentee she will be fired by xmas. Already got called in on Satruday she was supposed to be there, then when she got there, was sent home for wreaking of booze.
Even funnier, church. When things started to fall apart and I knew we were in serious trouble I begged that we start going again. Nope. But where is she going on Friday? To the church xmas celebration. Wonder what she'll tell the pastor?
Hang in there bro. Me, I'm done. I've cut bait and am prepairing to move on with life to the best of ability.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
No, I know He isn't just there. My mother thinks, and I am now believing, that He hears my questions, and sees my pain. I think He is giving me the much needed shoulder. It's just that I am so overwhelmed when I leave the Church. IT is like someone is holding me and telling em to just let it out. I mean I do feel better after, except for the headache, but I do feel better.
No drama i my life right now. Thank God for that. Things are good, I am feeling good like I said. When I do think of her, it is mostly anger that I feel. Again, I think this is normal. One of the questions I wanted to ask your husband, is my recent feelings of anger towards her normal?
You need to do the best thing for you. Me right now, is just to get my things done and in order and have the control I need. I focus on the things I want done each week, things I'm going to do (my time) and what needs to be done with regard to my family. That's enough for a while.
My anger towards her is not constant, just the times I think of her. I do ask myself questions, and answer them, logically and rationally. Emotionally, I am OK, a little down most times, but strong enough to bear it. I try not to feel her or talk about her. The less I do, the better I get. It's mostly her throwing away 31 years that I cannot fathom. Thrillisgone was the same. I just cannot believe she woudl walk away, with no regret, ne feeling, no nothing. I read and hear that she is in pain and suffering, but I if I don't see it, I don't believe it. The whole ILYBINILWY is crap. How can youi possibly treat someone you love this way? One of my biggest questions. the other issue is her telling everyone she wants to be friends with me. She cast that stone across the pond. Again, as long as she is with OM, she does not exist in my life, at any level.
...the other issue is her telling everyone she wants to be friends with me. She cast that stone across the pond. Again, as long as she is with OM, she does not exist in my life, at any level.
I think that you might find you have to change your position on that.
How else will she see that your changes are permanent and experience God's amazing grace?
It's going to be you that HE works through you know....
Just worry about letting Him deal with YOU for now.
There's no sense putting the cart before the horse
