Partner left after 9 years - now what?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey kids.. heres the last one - change on its way

So recap...my ex continues to see the gf...a girl he met at work June 07, when we were still together, but insisted 2 weeks ago when we met for a drink that he wasnt interested in her back then... that he only got together with her this August, it just happened, he didnt go looking for it, it wasnt a conscious decision...

His friends cant stand her, but then I know people with awful partners, but they are still with them! Last time I saw him (just over a week ago, Friday)..he looked tired and said tearfully "I dont know what I am doing really, I dont know what I am about". I said it was hard to not see him/speak to him and he said he didnt want to upset me anymore, that he had upset me enough already, that he couldnt stand it that he kept upsetting people.

He said contact with me "put him in an awkward position", but that he missed me and loved talking to me. He also said he "finds it hard to talk". He hugged me several times and said "I just want you to be happy". He said we would talk when he got back, but then he texted me the next morning to say, have a good weekend, speak to you when I am back. He was away for a week and got back this weekend. No contact from him so far.

I told my therapist the "secret" issues he has that I know about..I only spoke to an emergency C once about it, 3 years ago when I found out. I am the only person in his life that knows. She agreed it was the right decision to not tell people. She said she can see why I have so much compassion for him, but that I cant save him, he needs intensive therapy. She said she is sure that his new R is a form of self-harm, he is punishing himself as that is all he feels he deserves, that he is full of self-loathing and shame. Ironically, the fact that I was so loving and accepting and stayed with him afterwards is probably why he left me, as he is not acceptable to himself. He doesnt believe he deserves that unconditional love and acceptance and did that textbook thing..got me before I could get him.. so left me.

I always suspected it was this that blew our R apart, as we always had such a supportive, lovong, nurturing R with no issues or conflict between US..2 weeks ago when we met for a drink, I tried saying that I take ownership for this or that, that I was partly responsible for how things turned out, but yet again, he wouldnt hear of it. He was very clear "you did nothing wrong, you have nothing to take responsibility for" and literally shut me up.

So.. didnt realise I needed to get all that off my chest, but there you go ! Sorry for rambling.

So question is.. should I continue to not contact him? Leave it? I accept now he is gone.