Glad that you're feeling better. Sorry I didn't post last night, but hopefully you'll be checking the boards today.
In fact I would have said a lot of what you said yourself, that you and your H are both young, and that given this fact I think your expectations probably need to be a bit different than those of other couples on the board. You'd mentioned your H always playing games or hanging around with friends. Honestly I think this is perfectly normal, and my thought is that in order to rebuild a strong marriage you will have to allow him the space to do this and "grow up" a bit within the marriage. Good news is that it is very likely that he will grow out of this phase, and start to mature a bit, but he is only 22 after all, and this is a time when most men his age would be hanging out at the clubs etc., and not taking on any serious responsibilities. I think as much as possible you have to allow him to have this freedom in his life (obviously within reason, am not referring to involvement with women) in order to realize that staying home and spending time with you is more fulfilling.
Now of course the finances issue is another one entirely and naturally you have to be sure that he is not making decisions that negatively impact on you and your plans as a couple to move forward. It sounds as though you have been doing a very good job with asking questions and explaining why you are doing so. The one suggestion that I would make (and maybe you have done this already) is to put together a budget for the 2 of you. I am not suggesting that you put this together yourself, but that you sit with him and jointly decide what money should be allocated where. That way you, theoretically, have agreement on your priorities. If he needs to have a fund for going to movies, then maybe he can understand what is not happening as a result of this. I would say that, especially still living apart, it is very easy to just think of oneself when spending money. If he gets a reminder in a cool, detached way, e.g. an Excel sheet, that there are 2 people involved, this could cause a shift in actions. I would also guess that even if he is not acting the provider at the moment, if he were to see, written out, what he is spending money on and what you are not getting as a result, he might feel a bit more inspired to do what he can to "provide" for you.
Anyway please keep us posted. It's great to hear how you are doing!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
