I will try to answer your questions the best I can. I am also in the process of trying to reconcile with my wife who also divorced me about 5-6 months ago. I am still learning and still unclear at times, but that is just apart of the journey I guess.
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1. Should I be 'conveniently' busy when she asks me to hang around?
I think the key here is not to appear being needy and selfish to get your own emotional needs met. In your situation, it appears that she is doing most of the requests to hang around - so I think you are okay here. I think it is good to appear busy at times, even if you are not, just so she can see that you are your own person. It is attractive to women I think when a man can be confident and independent - that you have a life. That said, I would take advantage of most opportunities to spend time with her wife/children. In my situation, I normally do not refuse most requests my wife makes to do things together. However, I normally let her take the lead in that, rather than make requests myself. I also do little things like let the phone ring a couple of times before I pick up or if she asks me what I'm doing, I sometimes pretend I'm doing something interesting rather than just doing something boring like watching TV (although I might be doing just that).
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2. What should I make of her repeatedly touching me today? THAT is very unlike her. She is NOT someone who initiates touching, especially me.
I wouldn't make much of it at this point. I would simply thank God for the nice interaction and use that as a motivator to keep fighting for your marriage. You don't want to rush to conclusions too fast or try to guess what your wife is feeling/thinking. Women are like the waves of the ocean when it comes to this reconciliation process. Sometimes it will seem like you are making real strides and other times it will appear that all is lost. The key is for you to keep doing what's working and to take it day by day. Whenever you are feeling down, use those nice interactions as a reminder that you are making progress and that it is worth the effort.
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3 I have taken to not really saying too much to XW's brother. I will listen to him, but not say much? Am I handling this properly?
This is a tricky one. It really depends on how close the two of you really are. Personally, I think it is best to play it safe and not mention anything about how you want to reconcile with your wife. You never know if he will tell your wife. I would hate for your wife to think that you are being selfish and trying to use her brother to bring you two back together. In the end, actions speak louder than words. Her family/brother is going to know that you want to get back together simply by the way you are treating your wife - so you probably don't have to tell them anything for them to know that. If the brother ever brings up the conversation about how you feel about getting back together, I would probably say something among the lines that you just want her to be happy. Again, this is a judgment call.
It also seems like your wife has some changing to do with her drinking and verbal abuse. However, for now the best you can do is to continue to work on yourself and love her unconditionally. For the time being, if she starts to verbal attack you, I would simply try to empathize and validate her feelings. It sounds like she has been trying to numb the pain with distractions and can only hold so much inside before she explodes. Give it time, I think those interactions will become less and less. While her method for expressing that angry/hurt might be wrong, she needs to know that it is okay for her to be anger/hurt about the situation and that you are willing do whatever it takes to see her healed. It only takes one person to get the ball moving in a relationship - so I think you are doing great.
I think it is great that your brother thinks your wife enjoys having you around. Most of the time, when progress is being made the other spouse is not going to say anything about it no matter how happy they are with the changes. It is going to take time for trust to build up again, but I think you got a real good shot here. I wish I could offer more advice, but I am still trying to figure out my situation. I wish you the best of luck.
PS - I think the longer and more detail the post, the better it is for us men to relate and for other women to offer some insight
