Thank you so much for your support. It really, really does help.
I feel much better now. I was frightened and anxious for a little bit, but I didn't cry and ended up having a lovely evening. I'm not giving up hope or faith, but I am coming to accept that this is not going to happen in my time. I have to be patient, and I know that these painful developements are tests of my resolve.
His moving out seems so final, but it is part of God's plan. I cannot question it or let something that I knew was inevitable bog me down. Dealing with my family is gonna suck because they are going to believe everything is completely final now, but such is life. They'll just have to deal with it.
I am strong, and the life he is trying to establish for himself can never compare to the life he is turning away from.
It just sucks because it does make things feel more final. Now there's a major financial roadblock. It's another brick in his wall. There's a lease, and he'll have to buy furniture. It'll be just one more hurdle to overcome. Now it's not only his pride and the OW int he way, it's all that other rot.
Good news is, I didn't respond to him yet. I'm going to sleep on it and let it wait until my head and heart are clear.
I'll be friendly but detached. He's amping up his running and his attempts to contact me, so I think it's safe to assume that I'm doing the right thing.
You're totally correct about the detaching, NW626. Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to really fake it because I'm not there yet. I'm working to get there, but you know how that goes. I'm having trouble figuring out how to do that without losing hope for the R. I feel like I'm supposed to keep my faith in regards to the R, so there's a balance there that will be interesting. I'm just going to wait it out and see what answer comes to me.
Him coming to pack is really going to suck. I'm having my pastor and prayer group come through and annoint the house beforehand. I'm going to pray for strength to bear it all. I'm not sure yet that I'll even be here for it. Some part of me says I should be here, but another part says I should go out and let him be here alone. I've got a huge party for work that evening, so I could go and get my nails done and get ready at a friend's house. I'm staying at a hotel that night, so I could just leave early and not come back until Sunday.
Not sure if being being absent I'm making things easier for him or harder for him. Will have to think on that.
On the flipside, I know if I'm here he's gonna want to talk about the R. Not about the feelings part, but about the finance and planning part. And I really don't want to go there right now.
Thanks again, NW626. Your vote of confidence really helps.
