I've been off the site for a few days now, but I'm caught up w/ yuo and I want to comment on some of the things you've said.
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I saw your note about having a drink, Rob, and so I obliged...in your honor.
I hope it was good and cold, my brother. Thank you for thinking of me.
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I realized just how far apart we are - and just how far I am from her. I do love her - I think I just always will - but I don't see the same person in her eyes anymore - not the person that shared memories with me - not the person that married me - not the person that used to enjoy my cooking...It was like looking at someone that I had never met before
Sad, but true. You are looking at someone you haven't met before, b/c this person was never out in your relationship. The key here is to keep remembering this and not allow yourself to fall back and dream about the "ghost" you fell in love w/ b/c that person isn't around any more. They may come back, they may not. That is something you can't control, so do make the same mistake I did and keep holding out hope for the return of the "ghost." I cost myself a ton of grief over this.
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Other things that I'm working on are just calling out to friends more often (last night was the first time I've had friends over for dinner in ages) and making sure that I get myself up and out of the house more....
Absolutely the best thing you can do. Good for you! They are waiting for you to call them, by the way. They know you are hurting, but don't want to pry. Again, this is a lesson I learned WAY too late as I was stubborn and trying to "tough it out on my own." The only thing that got me was more misery than was necessary and the final realization that I was completely full of crap. Keep this trend up regardless of how you feel.
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Detachment is a strange animal...I've let go of my attachments to my wife - and yet the love for her that I have continues to ache inside of me. I have it under control though, which is why I won't pursue her, get into arguments with her, or talk about our R/M anymore.
Again, you are way ahead of the curve here, so keep going. Another lesson I refused to completely embrace, but it is the truth. You must do for you and you alone right now. Your W is a non-factor and non-issue in your life. Keep "dropping the rope" every time she begs you to pick it up. Keep this up and be consistent. You don't need to fight, but you do need to stand up for yourself. As you develop consistency, she'll eventually see that she has no power over you any longer.
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We're not talking much at all
Continue to keep the contact w/ W to a minimum. Silence is not only golden, but it is your best friend right now. If she calls, make her wait a bit before calling back. Don't answer texts right away. It is ok to wait for a day or so to respond. It will only work in your favor, so keep the silence as much as possible.
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I am finding better ways to focus on my life. I've started trying to dress a bit better no matter what I'm doing - and that seems to make me feel more positive about myself...I've also started wearing contact lenses more often...since I sometimes feel like I hide behind my glasses and don't really open up to people the way I do when I don't have them on.
Focusing on you is the key. I'm so glad to read these statements from you. Keep this handy for those times when you are feeling down as we humans will do from time to time. Don't forget how good you feel when you focus on you.
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While I have no idea what will happen with my W - I am completely certain - and have unwavering faith in the fact that I will come out of this a better man - father, friend, son, and...possibly...husband
I feel the same way. It is amazing and a bit sad that sometimes the greatest gains in life have to be achieved through the greatest of losses.
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but I do know that I am learning a ton about myself in a short span of time...finding stuff I like, love and want to change...
You are on the correct path and in a good, good place. Keep marching in this direction and do like you did today...look back on your own words... when you need reminders and inspiration.
Hey, you can also get in touch w/ me if you need a pep talk at any time, my brother.
