It's Tx Mom.. 2nd thread.. trying to hold on...

[PositivelyMommy]

{{TxMom}} I am so sorry to hear that you H is talking about D again.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes we have to do what we HAVE to do but you know what, if it is not working, if your R is getting worse, then you know that you have to mix things up a little and do things a little differently. You said your C said that it was OK to talk about your feelings. My C said the same thing but I just KNEW that my H would get defensive, put up walls and see it as pursuing and pressure for him to conform. I KNEW that it wouldn't work eventhough with all my heart I wanted to let him know what I feel. So I told C that I don't think it would work and I listened to my DB coach instead. And things have gotten a little better. So it was working.

Why do something again and again if it's not working?? You are a supersmart lady. It seems like every time you told him your deepest fears, concerns and love, he cries, then withdraws and then he talks about D. It has happened several times now. In 'Surviving an Affair' and DB principles, they advice not getting in pushing our spouses while they are still in A. It won't work and it will only hamper your chances later on for reconciliation.

Change tactics. YOU CAN DO IT! Keep your eye on the goal. He's not going to stop seeing her now. The affair will end a natural death ONLY if you don't pursue him.

When the A dies, only then will he think about reconciliation. But you have to show that you will not PUNISH him because if you act like that now, he won't come back. He doesn't think it's SAFE to return to a wife who will make him feel guilty and miserable all the time.

Am I making sense? TxMom, I know where you're at emotionally. We are all there together. I am just looking out for your future. You are pushing him towards a D because he wants to get away from his feelings of guilt and shame. But you remind him everytime you see him of what a bad dad, terrible husband he is. He knows this. Do the opposite! Then when A ends, he will WANT to come back.

This is the time to use your feminine wiles. This is to time to use your brains and outwit the OW and H. This is the time to show Compassion to your H, at the time when he LEAST deserves it. Are you up to the challenge?