Just plugging along! My W keeps asking me about whether or not I got financing to buy her out! I got it but I feel wierd because I feel like I am helping the process out at least if she does change she knows were to find me. even though she is supposed to be moving out she says she hasn't found a house yet and might take three months.
I don't know if that is good or bad. Last night I came home and she was watching TV with her sister and sisters husband. It was a bit strange because my W was acting like nothing was wrong. I still get along with her sister and sat for awhile chatting, my W was tired and later went to bed.
Tonight she was home when I got home and she said "if I had known that you would be home now I would of made you some pasta" I was cleaning up and made myself some tea. She said she had a headache and was going to take a bath. I ask her if she wanted some she said Yes. I brought it up to her in the bath. She made me close my eyes but said it was sweet. I am trying to be dark but it seemed like the thing to do at the time. I then went to the gym and when I got back she was in bed but heard me and called out saying" how was the gym?" I said fine, then took the dog for a walk. Don't know what to make of it on one hand she is talking about splitting up stuff and asking when she will get her buy out for the house but then she is nice to me? She has said in the past that she likes me and that I am a good man but she just doesn't want to be married.
confused, Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
You are getting solid advice from trapt.Do not try to figure out your wife and the way she treats you.It will drive you crazy and take your focus on what you need to be doing.There is absolutely no logic in what our wives are doing.This takes time and patience and God's guidance. He has gotten me through the last 15months.
Proctect yourself first. If you can , have AmyC check your situation out. She was in MLc, and has tons of real top knotch advice, she pulls no punches. She will tell you the way it is.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Thanks for stopping by, I guess after awhile everything blends together. I am taking that by your post you mean that I should still focus on me and getting the finanncial side taken care of? I feel somewhat at peace when she is not in the house because I can relax, and don't have to analyze my responses to her. The fact that I am taking over the house has given me some direction because I am looking forward to doing some work on it. I was getting a little freaked out about where I was going to live. I was also feeling, that it was her walking out of the marriage, why do I have to leave?
I have spoken to a lawyer and know my rights, which has helped take the mystery out of it. My W was threatening a bunch of ridiculous stuff that didn't make sense.
I have been praying daily about this and the people on this website I think it has helped me not go crazy!
Finally, my W called me three times yesterday to see if I got financing, when I told her I did, she didn't say lets call the lawyer and sign the papers, (not trying to figure her out) I expected a call today re: lawyer and the legal separation, but so far nothing. I am relucatant to call her about it. My gut feeling is that I should get it done so that she can't come back and ask for more stuff and money (and my pension). Even though it is a legal separation, it is not a divorce and we have to wait a year for that. I have to look at that as an opportunity because I am leaving the door open by being friendly and not creating a negative view of me. I want her to see the man that I am.
Cheers, Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I need help! I am at my friends place and was just watching him play hockey when my wife called. She was quiet and finally said that she has been looking at the walls all night and that she has been missing me.I asked her was that meant. She said I don't know. I said that I didn't know how to respond and I really didn't know what to say. We were supposed to talk tommorow night about me buying the house, so I said get some sleep and we will chat tomorrow. She said I am sorry I told you it wasn't fair to you. I am thinking WTF! I said good night and hung up! I should have let it go to voice mail.
Then I stupidly called her back and told her that it was ok that she told me. Again she said it she shouldn't have because of the path we are going down. I didn't have a response and ended the call. This is the first time that she has given me any indication that she has missed me. I don't want to get sucked in I need a realistic perspective any advice would help.
I am planning to keep it business like in our conversation, but desperately want to tell her I miss her too! I am afraid that I scared her off by calling her back and wish I were home right now.
This is the first real indication that she is questioning and It is screwing with my head I know I need to keep DBing and I guess I need to back off.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I would be very careful. I'm not trying to be negative, just real. This is the same type of thing that has been sucking me in and spitting me right back out. Your sitch. may be different. I don't know.
If I were you, I wouldn't mention a thing about this again. Let her. I would stay the course for now. It's so tough not to get your hopes up, but don't.
My experience has been once you act upon something like this, they will flip their switch right back and leave you sitting there saying wtf just happened. It sucks to have to be so guarded, but you do.
Act as if nothing has taken place. Say nothing, Just wait and see what happens. I'm not trying to be a downer, this is part of the jacked up game they play. It's like they can't totally let go and as soon as you give the indication she still has you ....BOOM back to the insanity once again.
It's almost like they have a flash of sanity. I don't know how long it lasts. It comes and goes. The last long one my wife had lasted almost a month. She then withdrew hard and things got worse. Now she has been very withdrawn and weird.
Just hang tough and don't get sucked in. Keep moving forward.
Thanks for the advice this is like a freakin chess game and usually I am lousy at chess. Well I just spoke to her regarding some bills and acted as if nothing happened, she also acted as if nothing happened. I will continue to get my finances inorder and move along with taking over the house.
Her statement before we ended the latest conversation was I can't find a place to live. Her realestate agent will be gone to florida for two weeks so she will have to wait till she gets back. My guess now is that her not having a place to live may have some bearing on her "missing me last night" so I guess until I see some real and consistent change I'll keep moving forward.
We are having a chat about the house tonight, I'll post an update then.
Thanks for the help,
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I just jumped on for a quick second. I'm on the road today for work. So when I hit a hot spot I jump on for a few.
Yeah, play it safe. I wouldn't bring it up. I've fell for this a lot. I don't think they even remember when they do this sometimes.
Their minds work in strange ways. The last time I spoke with my wife, she brought up something I said two or three weeks ago, but it was like she forgot what took place in between then and now.
Good luck tonight, be kind and confident around her. Don't get sucked into anything.
