Tawnya, I too have been thinking since I sent that post. There is something that I should say about you folks that are so affectionate and want to please others and whose LL is physical touch (and I hope the others are looking in also) and that is I believe you all have a very loving and gentle heart that is so full of love and affection for everyone that those of us who are not quite built the same way would like to be more like you in some ways but find it difficult to understand why you do settle for the crumbs in other ways, so to speak. I believe that people like you and some of the other girls here are so giving of themselves and feel so deeply. You have so much love to give. I have often thought of my sister who is like some of you that give and give and give and receive nothing in return and become a doormat in every situation........if she had a H like mine....she would think she had died and gone to Heaven! And, if he had a W like her, he would probably think the same....lol. Sometimes, I get so frustrated with her that I want to shake her until her liver rattles! I want her to stand up for herself and tell that sorry excuse for a H off and stop taking his crap. I know.....I just know that he would be a different man over night...once he got over the shock. I have told her for years that he would respect her if she would stop licking his shoes all the time. She says she knows but can't help it. That is the part I don't get. Why can't she help it? I don't buy it. I think she could help it if she wanted to bad enough. If she had enough self respect, I think she would make him respect her. I can promise you one thing.....this ole gal would not put up with him for two minutes....and he knows that I wouldn't. So, see, they know who they can mistreat and who they can't. Do you agree?
So, anyway, I just wanted to come back and say that you all have much to give and don't be sorry for that. I think it is wonderful. However, I believe it makes it very difficult for you to not be more "spunky" and demand respect and not bend over backward to try to make everything all warm and fuzzy for your H. The sad thing is......he does not appreciate it. That is why sorry H's end up with sweet girls and good guys ends up with a b*tch. It seems that way, doesn't it? But, I believe God gives us the power to change that if we want to badly enough. Do you?
BTW, I love Joyce Meyer. I have learned a lot from her. I think she would be the first to tell you that a Christian does not have to lie down and be a rug for people to walk on.
I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you and any of the others who has this type of .......what should I call it? Anyway, if you all can work together on this little project we've got going breaking the habit of saying "I'm sorry"......I believe it will be interesting to hear the results of that. I think it would be interesting to hear some experiences of what happened and what words were used in place of "I'm sorry".
We can always say, "my mistake"......"I apologize"......"opps"....."they just don't make this asiles wide enough, do they?"......"Oh, I didn't see that"......."that's too bad"........"I hate that you are going through this"......"is there anything I can do"......we could go on and on, but maybe others will chime in and give some ideas. Again, I believe it has become more of a habit than anything else. Habits are hard to break.....but they can be broken!!
Tawnya, about your H not listening and watching TV.....honey that was my number one complaint about my H for all these years. But, after my EA with OM, he listens when I say anything. I try to pick a time that I know he isn't real interested in a program, and it may wear off after a while....I don't know. But I can understand fully how frustrated you are. Have you ever thought of some way that you could show him how it felt? Something that would get the picture through to his mind. Gary Smalley talks about using word pictures with men and sometimes that helps. Is there any particular time that he is talkative? Like when he first comes home from work? Or, is he like mine and doesn't ever want to talk? Let me know and I'll try to be thinking of something that might work.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
